mOmmy & lOving it!

A dream so real.

2012-01-20T08:12:00.001-05:00

I had a dream last night mom was back, after 10 years of being away. She came back and hung out with us. I was so excited to see her and the feeling of being loved. I missed her. Not long after she told me her cancer was back. I was crushed. Weeping til I couldn't breathe and trying to grasp the thought of her being back in my life again but soon she will leave again; all because her cancer was back.

My alarm went off.

Wow. I really miss her. I know why I had the dream though. My sister in law found out a close friend from HS passed away from cancer. The news was probably somewhere in the back of my mind as I drifted off to sleep last night.
Hard to put all my thoughts and the feelings into words right now, but the reality of it all; I really miss mom.

The pain never really goes away. But God is able, He has done great things. I miss you, mom.

A great start to a New Year

2012-01-02T08:06:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year!!
We had an awesome start to a new year, with my in laws who volunteered to join us at APC to ring in the new year together. What a blessing to have family and church family to start off 2012. I am so excited to see what God has in store for us!

I'm back to work today, although I wish I was at home in our bed; it is what is is. Let's just hope everyone else who's off today is sleeping in and spending time with family - NOT waiting in queue to speak to a Rogers' Representative!!

Happy New Year everyone!

Happy 50th birthday

2011-11-19T22:37:00.001-05:00

Mommy, happy 50th birthday. You are so ever dearly missed. No words can express the longing to see you, hear you and touch you. We will meet again.
I find comfort and strength through Jesus and just knowing we will see each other again.
<3 <3 <3

So this is it

2011-09-05T12:18:00.003-04:00

The last weekend before school starts, actually more like the last day!
It has been a great, BUSY, full of fun kinda of summer. I'm a bit sad it's all coming to an end, but happy that we will get back into some sort of routine. I blogged a little while ago about how I was a bit nervous and stressed out that the kids going back to school and all the overwhelming feelings it comes with. I can say today (the day before all the craziness starts), I am calmer than ever. I don't know how to explain it, but I feel at peace. It will fall together like God has it planned and not a worry in the world. The only thing we have to work on, is the sleeping schedule which means NO NAP today. I really don't know how that's going to go over, I need the nap!!!

Our goal is to have the kids in bed by 8pm, and have them wake for 630am, so they have plenty of sleep. Let's pray that works out perfectly!

Looking forward to hearing about their daytmrw when we come home from work. It will be their first day at the new school. Did I mention I forgot to ask which part of the day Jen will be attending school?! CRAZY! I cannot believe I completely forgot to call the school on friday to finalize that!!

Life of a MOM!
LOL.

lesson on friendships

2011-08-18T22:15:00.001-04:00

When people walk in and out of your life, just remember some are here for a reason, some for a season and the rest - a lifetime. Don't be sad they are not in your life anymore, but be joyful for God will bring along new friends, new relationships AND most importantly, it was probably for the better ;) God knows best, and what's best for us.

Come & Go

2011-08-18T22:04:00.003-04:00

I was fb surfing and saw a few things that brought me right back to a few years ago when someone i deeply cared about walked out of our lives . This friend at the time was a very good friend, I would say a best friend. A few years younger than us, and with children herself accused me of something I didn't do and ended our friendship. It still gets me every time I see something come up in the newsfeed that ties in with her. Sad. But reality is, we probably won't ever hang out ever again. I had this discussion with a dear friend about it, and she reminded me of this:

Some people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

She reminded me, God has every situation at his hand and he knows best for us. God will lead people to those in need and lead them away when the need has been filled.

So true. I believe it. However do feel saddened and miss the friendship when I think about all that we've done for her and helped her along the way. Taken for granted is truly what I felt. Now thats water under the bridge though...I pray for her and her young children, may they grow to know and love God for all that He's done for them.

Strangers

2011-08-18T07:44:00.000-04:00

September is just around the corner, and with that comes a new set of transitions for both jeff and I. More so jeff than I really. Jeff is transferring to my site starting Monday, and also starting the same shift as I. Amazing. Praise God, we can carpool, save money on gas and parking!! We both will start work at 8am, that leaves me to worry. The kids will be starting at a new school closer to my in laws that provides a school bus; which is fantastic! The issue would be, who will watch them get on and off the bus? With us starting at 8am, we literally have to leave the house latest 7:15am to get to work on time. Which means, we will need to drop them off super early at my in laws and be confident enough they can stand in front of the house by whatever time the bus comes and not miss it because they are watching treehouse.
With this overwhelming sense of burden and stress hovering over me, I summoned a family gathering on our queen sized bed. Jules passed out on the bed, Joseph and Jen sitting crossed legged on the bed, we slowly started to explain the upcoming changes. Explaining that they will need to sleep extra early because they will be waking up super early with mommy and daddy; can't miss the bus; don't talk to strangers etc. I think my biggest fear is just that, strangers and crazies who do scary things to babies and children. So yes that was a very good meeting we had. We covered what to do if someone tries to talk to them or tell them they know mommy and daddy.
I'm looking forward for September, just a big worried. Although I know it will all work out somehow. I trust it will.

Faith

2011-07-08T23:55:00.001-04:00

Everything in life happens for a reason. We may not know what the reason(s) are, we just have to remember God is with us every step of the way. Knowing Him & Walking with Him in faith are TWO separate things.

Life is too short.

2011-07-05T18:16:00.003-04:00

I was able to catch a few glimpse of the footage of Constable Styles' Funeral Procession on my break and lunch break. Probably the most amazing thing to see is the amount of support all the officers have shown by attending from all over the country.

I cannot imagine the sheer agony and pain his widow is going through the last week. I look at their growing family of 2&1/2 yr old and a 9 week old and my heart aches for them. They will never get to spend time with their daddy.

As I drive home with the three munchkins in the backseat, I couldn't help but think about if that were to ever happen to me and my family. How will I ever find it in me to go on? Life really is too short.
I came and and checked fb to see a fellow friend had also blogged about this and her thoughts and feelings mirror exactly how I feel. We take things in life for granted so much and don't realize it can all change in a mere second.

It really put things into perspective and how we should cherish every moment with our loved ones, even if they may get on our nerves - sometimes. :)

A giddy Jennifer

2011-07-05T07:45:00.000-04:00

A giddy Jennifer before getting her ears pierced! ;)

3 months later

2011-07-04T18:29:00.002-04:00

My last post was exactly 3 months ago. I must say, I have totally neglected my blog life. Not a dull moment in life.

Summer is finally here, and I am loving it. This warm weather can brighten anyone's day; even if I'm trying to fight this stomach bug that I caught from Jeff. It's 6pm and I'm already in bed trying to get some bed rest. A brief moment where I can touch base here.

We finally got Jennifer's ears pierced. She's always wanted to get them done and finally this canada day weekend we took her. She took it like a champ, didn't even flinch or cry after she was done. She loves her new earrings and I love the new look on her. :) I'm looking forward to earring shop with her when they fully heal.

I'm going back to bed rest. praying we all get over the cold/stomach flu. yuck.

Opportunities...

2011-04-04T22:02:00.002-04:00

About 9 months ago, I got hired by a company very close to home via a temp agency. Telesales company, outbound, hardsell and let's just say - quotas. This company, ran by two awesome bosses very quickly became family. I was very fortunate and blessed to have been recognized as an asset by the hiring manager (coming from a windows & door telemarketing company, I knew how to hardsell and never to take no for an answer). The very first night on the phone, I out did all the previous agents who had 3 months tenure ahead of me - I booked double their amount of appointments. They were amazed. I was amazed at how amazed they were with me. Never had I been at a job where I was actually recognized for my skills & values. Quite possibly because I was always a part-timer. With 3 children I could only afford to work part time evenings to avoid the costly child care.

At the time, I really thought I was going to be there for a long time, possibly until Juliana went to school. Although I was looking for full time shift work if possible, for sure I was searching though. I was shortly promoted to floor support for the shift. I had been half heartedly applying to jobs via websites, thinking I probably wouldn't get the position. I applied to Telus. I applied twice to rogers, once to a Pickering site (got rejected) and another to North York. I was interviewed by Telus, and was told to wait. Not very hopeful, continued to floor support happily for my telesales company. Telus calls back and offers me the job the same day Rogers HR calls me for an interview. I went for my interview with Rogers and was told to wait. Telus & Rogers BOTH offer me the job on the SAME day. Honestly, what are the odds of that?!

I ended up taking Rogers offer and gave my 1 week notice to the most amazing bosses I've ever encountered in my employment journey. Never had I have bosses who continually show encouragement and support to bring my true potential to light. My talents were recognized. It was definitely a difficult good bye. We still keep in touch.

In fact, I visited the office last week for a catch up. Tea & timbits in hand, I entered the office as if I was stepping into my old house. It was such an amazing feeling to be back at the office, to remember how much I grew from a telemarketer (yes i said it, I was a telemarketer) to floor support/supervisor - wow. To see how much the office grew without me - wow. I left the company when there were merely 6 agents, now it has grown to 22 full time staff, with 7 different clients/campaigns running simultaneously, just amazing.

So we catch up, well more like a job offer. I was offered to become a manager for their site. A brand new site that will be fully functional by end of April. I was given the opportunity to become this growing company's management level. What a feeling. It was a bit overwhelming to say the least. I told them I would go home and think about it, and they were going to think of the compensation. I told them I was interested. I really was. The feeling of being able to work with people who build you up and recognize you is uplifting. We text back and forth the next couple of days to figure out compensation, only to their surprise that as a growing company, it might not be financially sound to hire me compared to the compensation I was receiving at Rogers. We leave it at that. That was Saturday.

Today, after a few emails and a few phone calls from them, I return their call. I thoughtfully considered the offer and told I wasn't able to work for them; they were willing to match everything Rogers has to offer. I kindly told them I cannot take the position, for the stability of Rogers for my family & I is too much to give up. It took a lot for me to blurt that out. Hence it took a few emails & phone calls for me to call them back.

I have to wonder, why God would present all these opportunities in front of me. I can't help but feel like Eve in the garden. Believe me, I was so tempted to say yes to the offer when he told me he was willing to match everything Rogers compensation. However, I can't help but think, where's the catch? Perhaps there wasn't any catch but pure good intentions, who's to say I won't get laid off? So many 'what if's' and 'maybes'. I keep being reminded of the stability being employed with Rogers. I can't help but relate this to our Christian Faith; Rogers being Christ (not that it can EVER compare) and this other offer as temptation.

I felt terribly heavy hearted after turning down the offer, I felt such a need to blog. I will remember this awesome opportunity once offered to me. This will be the thought to bring me to higher grounds and grow in Rogers even more, because I now know my value & potential.

Thanks to my awesome (ex) bosses, who not once, but twice reassured me this will not cause any hard feelings between us. The relief I felt from that reassurance -whew!

no longer a baby.

2011-03-26T00:46:00.001-04:00

Me: hey! it's yo gabba gabba on tv!
Julie: watches intently
Joseph: You know, yo gabba gabb is 'actually' for babies?!
ME: so what, you're not a baby anymore?!
Joseph: smirks, shakes his head
Me: sigh

a decade.

2011-03-24T23:38:00.001-04:00

This year, marks mom's 10 year death anniversary, hard to believe. A decade later - so much has changed. A little more grown up, a tad bit wiser but definitely still feeling the loss - literally. I dream of mom at least (and I'm not exaggerating either) 3-4 times a week. That is more than half of the week. There are dreams which I really really feel her presence, or maybe it's the feeling of loss in the dream. Then there's those ones where she's just in the background and just, there.

Funny how I tend to tie little things together around the month of March. I think back to the exact dates and what happened on the days coming up to her not being with us. I think about the one most vivid dream I had after she left to go be with our Lord.
I think I had cried myself to sleep that night, my mind still completely in shock. I dreamt I heard my mom coming down from her bed room (we had 3 levels in the town home) and sliding her hand down the wall as she came down the stairs for support...I heard the swishing of her hand across the wall and the sound of the railing slightly creaking as she put all her weight on the railing for support. In my dream I had slept with my door open that night and the sound of her coming down the stairs woke me up and I saw her peek into my room and remind me today was Sunday which meant Sunday cleaning. I was overjoyed and told her okay and got up to get ready for sunday cleaning.

I was then rudely awakened in real life to the sound of the doorbell. It was just a dream. I remember as I woke up my heart began to sink to the realization that it was the day after, and the men and women had come to take mom's cold body
away. I looked out the window from my bedroom and saw the black cube van. I can still remember the heart wrenching feeling and wished I could go back to my dream and back to getting ready for sunday cleaning.

The men/woman came into the house dressed in black. I watched from the forth step from the top of the step, not wanting to go any further because the closer I go, the closer I was to reality. I watched as they came with this black bag and zipped her up. My heart being squeezed with every little thing they did while putting her in a bag. Finally, she was no longer in sight and the men and woman politely bowed to us and carried her out to the waiting van. I quickly ran to my room to look outside the window to bid my goodbye...before the final goodbye.

I remember that day..the feelings rush back as I type this entry and a bit overwhelmed. Although it was a sad day, and feels like yesterday, I'm comforted to know she's in a better place.

Where did February go?!

2011-02-26T09:23:00.003-05:00

We are soon approaching the end of February and I feel like it's just whipped by without notice. Starting Monday Jeff's schedule will change once again. Another transition which we will have to get used to. I will continue my 1-9 shift as he starts a 10-6:30 shift. A bit of a later start which means a bit of a later end time for him. I cannot help but feel a bit nervous though as by the time he gets home, how will he juggle dinner & homework? I'm nervous, but trust that God will work things out perfectly.

The last few days at work have been pretty intense. A fellow co-worker got suspended for 3 days unpaid. This co-worker is on our team. She has also been there longer than us, she`s considered tenured. Tenured, but also not very competent in following business rules. I had taken one of her customer`s call back, and was told this rep specifically told the customer he can call and ask for her and her fellow co-workers will email her and she will then call him back. Well, if everyone had a personal relationship with customer relations reps, we really didnt need to have a customer relation department - AND we`d all have DIRECT lines. Anyway turns out she did some things on her account which were majorly conflict of interest, and many other accounts have come to light in which she has done the same. The end resulted in her being suspended for 3 days. Honestly, I really do no think a few sales and commission is worth being suspended.

Looking at the bigger picture, she now can no longer apply for any type of career changing positions since her file has now been heavily documented. So NOT worth it! I was bittersweet about it, firstly because some kind of action is being taken among this team and by the senior manager to do something about the ridiculous behaviour of these tenured reps. Happy because they are all getting an awake up call since the last three classes has been on production because we have been creating coachbacks to their team managers regarding accounts being handled with conflict of interest. Saddened that it has costed a fellow teammate to be suspended, but at the same time i cant help but feel more happy about it because from what we have heard, this has been going on since department was created ``it`s just a matter of time` before someone got caught.

Work drama. So no necessary, but still goes on.

Signing off.

Weaning day 1

2011-02-22T21:59:00.001-05:00

Picture of juliana and her crying for about 15minutes hysterically because she realized the dairy queen is soon to shut down on her - and it ain't due to renovations! Today is a week later and she is completely weaned off! I am extremely happy this was not a terrible as my mind played it out to be!! I just had to be strong even though she was wailing at the top of her lungs on and off every few hours in the middle of the night - and I survived it!! Of course she did too! :)

A moment alone..

2011-02-20T21:21:00.002-05:00

I really have been meaning to blog since xmas, but i'm not going to lie - I've been extremely busy & also just a bit lazy.

I would love to just do a quick update about everything that I can possibly think of so that I'm not totally abandoning my blog. I wish someone would invent a blog which connects straight to our brains/thought process and compute it into our blogs. There would be many times I'm driving to work or driving home from work where I think of something SO blogworthy and by the time I'm home, I'm too darn exhausted to even think about opening this laptop! It doesn't help when I get off at 9pm and get home by 9:30pm.

Just to set the expectation here, its gonna be a wordy/lengthy one. I have possibly 20-30minutes of alone time as I sit here in our living room and the dear husband has taken the duty to put Juliana to bed - yes, WITHOUT me!

I think the last time I updated was before xmas, and as much as that felt like it was yesterday, I'm glad it's not because that would mean a lot of time before spring/summer! Christmas was spent with the family as usual and also lots of it spent at work. I worked xmas eve and didn't get home til 9pm and right after we spent the night at the in laws so the kids can open gifts and celebrate with their grandparents. This year, xmas didn't feel like xmas. I think mainly because I worked a lot before xmas and it wasn't really hitting me that the holidays were coming since I was working two jobs. We didn't even have time to set up our own xmas tree until the end of november; where it's usually up the same night as Halloween! We did enjoy xmas though as much as it was so busy, it was great to hang out with the family. Thankful I didn't have to work new years though. It was a great start to 2011 as we were able to celebrate with church family and APC festivities. Children loved it as usual and brought home 'baby' balloons and confetti. Confetti which I cleaned out of one of my purses just yesterday, yes I know it's mid feburary now.
After celebrating with APC, the next day we heard the tragic news of Jeff's cousin being in a motorcycle accident and having to amputate his leg - he's 20 years old. Hit home and we went to visit him, held him up in prayers and had our church family and friends pray for him. Thankful he is now out of the hospital and doing well with high spirits - All Glory & Praise be to God! Last I heard he's even driving!!! Although he is still in rehab he will eventually be fitted for prostetics.

It's been 5 whole months at Rogers now, fully in production and loving/hating it. Love it because it's an awesome company to be with but sort of dislike the things people try to pull (freebies/credits/etc). Love the people I work with and the atmosphere and love that I can carpool with my sister on days of bad weather or me having a flat tired like today. It's still quite a transition though as we have all these shift bids every few months and it makes it complicated for arrangements for child care - but Praise God, He's always faithful and providing us with awesome family & friends who love us so much to help us unconditionally.

Chinese new year has just passed us by and it has been another eventful year! Me, being the proud wife always there taking pictures and video for Jeff to watch afterwards and the kids to learn from their daddy. This year was quite neat, we had the kids bring their own lion heads to the malls Jeff was to perform at and the crowds went wild! We were at Pacific Mall and the restaaurant at the top level is one of the main shows and when Joseph and Jennifer put their lion heads on everyone was quick to take pictures. People joked we should start charging!! LOL. Although we got approached a few times asking if the lion heads were for sale - I'm starting to think there maybe some money in it? I would make/decorate the lion heads and sell just before chinese new year or even bring to Pacific Mall (since it looks like the club is now solidily gotten the mall contract for the years to come) and sell them. Something to think about :) Another neat opportunity this year, Joseph got to perform the first time at Markville Mall. He was so cute being the tail of the lion and the look in his eyes afterwards - pure joy! Looks like we are going to put him into training soon!

I got to see my grandma a few times during the holidays, which is always a blessing. She's in remission with her colon cancer and looks better than ever. Wish she lived closer so we can see her more often, although Missisuaga isn't all that far if we really think about it but the convenience is there if she moved closer. Nonetheless it's always nice to see her, and the rest of the family.

Children Update: Joseph has been amazing us the last few months with his memory for spelling. In the beginning of the school year, we were a bit concerned because he was not developing the skill of reading and having quite some difficulty in reading and sounding out letters/words. He's now in grade 1 and we did not know they had spelling tests in grade 1. That is, until he came home with a notebook with a bunch of words listed in order and a mark of 6.5/15!! Boy were we surprised. From that first spelling test we got home til now, the improvement is unbelievable! He's been consistently scoring above 13, with a few perfects although he gets more 14/15s. To see the improvement is such an accomplishment as a parent and to see the joy in his eyes when he tells us what he scored on his weekly spelling tests is indescribable!

Jennifer has been talking nonstop as always, sometimes I seriously wonder where she gets the talking energy from. This girl does not need to take a breather when she talks to me, although she talks a lot I love it because it's nothing but questions and shows how curious she is. She lately has shown interest in how she wants her hair tied. No longer pig tails, but ONE pony tail. But I don't usually let her get her way because I am so afraid of her catching lice if her hair comes out of her pony tail. So my solution is to tie it so it will stay for the day and it usually consists of 10minutes in the morning and 10gazillion hair ties.

Juliana is now 19months, and as of TONIGHT, she will be fully weaned off breastmilk!! WOOT *applause* I have been contemplating whether or not to wean her off as of yet. However the last few weeks of sleep for me as been dreadful. It's not even like she wants the breast because she is hungry, it's because she needs the comfort of just suckling. Consequently, I'm left with tossing and turning in the night because every few hours she'd like to latch on. As of last tuesday I made the most dreadful decision to wean her off. The first few nights she would wake up every few hours looking to latch on but to no avail and she would cry & cry for about 5-10 mins and fall back asleep. This occured for the first 4 nights. Last night I tricked her and made the dear husband sleep beside her, she didn't see/feel me the entire night so she didn't look for the breast. SUCCESS!! Tonight will be the final test, she will realize the breast will no longer be apart of her meal. I am so excited. I was partly dreading it because I thought it would be another emotional ordeal for both baby & I. I always fail to remember how I weaned the last child, and that always causes havoc emotionally. LOL

Looks like my time is up. I promise I will blog and update more! :)

4 weeks later...

2010-11-24T18:27:00.002-05:00

Today was my last day of 'in class' training; tmrw will be my first day on the Roger's floor taking my very first Customer Care call. I cannot believe 4 weeks have gone by so quickly. It has been a crazy 4 weeks, literally.

I am very happy that in class in finished and I can finally start taking calls. Don't get me wrong, I'm a tad nervous. I've only dealt with outbound calls in my whole entire call center career; and this is going to be a big change. This has probably been the most intense course load i've ever taken a 4 week period. It has been intense, but SO much fun. Everyone in our class has made it SO enjoyable. We've had our good share of laughs. ;)

I was also honoured to find out the class voted me as MVP of the new hire class...and I got a certificate to prove it. HAHAH except the first certificate they printed and framed had the wrong last name. They spelt it LUI, instead of LIU. :P

Had an awesome order out pot luck to end off the class. I had a lot of fun, and tmrw is when the real 'fun' begins! :P

I'm still at SC part time..although i'm thinking twice about keeping it because I'd like some sabbath time. :) Also time to BLOG/TWEET ;)

that's all for now. it's been crazy but will try to keep posted!! :)

Transistions

2010-10-22T08:55:00.002-04:00

Today will be the last friday before Jeff and I enter to a new phase in our life - TWO fulltime incomes. It is SO exciting. Not only is it because we will be two fulltime employed parents, but we will both be working for the same company -- Rogers Cable/Communications. I cannot even begin to describe how excited I have been the last week since I heard from Ben Papernick. The HR dude, THE most nicest HR guy I've ever met. He reminds me of a fellow church member; Patrick Gillis. SO identical to him, I couldn't help but ask Ben whether he had a relative named Patrick. HAHA. He didn't.

Anyway, So here I am blogging about this. It is very blog worthy because there has been a few sleepless nights due to pure excitement and joy of me landing this job. My in laws practically ALL work for the government, and I have yet to land a job there so Rogers is really the next best thing. Benefits (dental, drugs, vision, massage/chiro) all kick in first day of training and that is mighty awesome! I think he said the discount for Rogers comes in 3-6 months AFTER the initial training, although I would need to clarify that because I need MY IPHONE4! haha Okay i don't need it, just a really really really big want which almost constitutes as a NEED. ;) The other great thing about having this job, is that the hours work for us. They have shift work which is perfect again so Jeff and I can rotate and do the juggling between us instead of a daycare. Although I have intensive training for 9 weeks, my awesome in laws have given up their vacation days to really give us a hand. They will be juggling the kids for a few weeks before I start permanently on an evening schedule. Jeff's boss has also been a blessing to have pushed his shift later so that he may drop the kids to school and then head to work. He was doing a 7-3:30 and will change to a 10:30-7 since I'm doing an 8-4 I won't be able to drop the kids and if both of us are on that time slot we have no body to drop the babies to school. Everything has worked out somewhat to our desire and I can do nothing but Praise the Lord for all that he has done for us.

I have been applying to Rogers ever since Jeff started in summer of 2005. It has been 5 years and I FINALLY got the call!!! The most unexpected call ever because I already had my heart set on working for Telus (retail - since I was able to get myself a business phone; THE IPHONE4!!). I had already submitted my info TWICE for the stupid criminal/background check and it was being processed. The day after I submit the info the second time, Rogers Communications leaves me a voicemail telling me to call them back. Here I am, sitting in my Mother in Law's kitchen, beaming from ear to ear and probalby looking kind of silly I call them back only to get HIS voicemail. Anyway, long story short he calls me in for the FULL interview process two days after. After many times of him saying he doesn't normally do this for anyone, I was in his office within the next 48hrs signing away my part time job life to enter into a totally new phase of our journey. SO EXCITED. This blog does not do justice as to HOW excited I am. I would do a video blog, but all you would see would be my teeth and no eyes because I am smiling THAT hard throughout this entire blog entry. Yup. I hope my face won't cramp up later. LOL.

On Monday, October 25th, I will be training to be Rogers Cantonese/Manderin & English Bilingual CSC. I can finally put my cantonese to use in a professional setting. Thanks mom for pushing me to write every day and going to the same chinese lesson three times a week (different schools) because it has paid off!! :) Thank YOU Lord for this amazing DOOR of opportunity.

I AM SO HAPPY. :) :) :):):):):)

WHat a morning!

2010-10-13T10:39:00.002-04:00

What a morning. I cut my finger this morning while trying to get breakfast ready for the kids. Stupid me, i used a steak knife to cut open a bagel. Yup. Such a wake up call. Pretty deep. I had to do the whole head in the knee thing so I wouldn`t pass out and scare the poor kids. Jen decided to have a nose bleed right before we leave the house. Jules scratches her nose and it bleeds as well. I hold my finger with a ton of pressure to ensure i`m not bleeding and i won`t have to drive myself to the hospital even though it`s 2 mins away.
Praise God i got to kids to school on time and managed to pack their lunches. :)
What a morning.

Dear V8 & Motts Garden

2010-10-01T09:33:00.002-04:00

It all started off on saturday morning, I woke up super early and had a thought I should perhaps go for a jog. The ONE jog in my entire life that made me realize how bad of shape I really was. After that (very very short jog) I decided it was time to really make some changes in our diet and lifestyle. From that day I`ve incorporated tomato juice into my diet. 1 glass in the morning and one before every meal. It has been almost 4-5 months since I`ve incorporated that into my diet, and today I have been able to comfortably wear my pre-preggo pants. I am SO excited. It has been quite the accomplishment for me. With the first two babies, took me at least 1yr and half year to lose my baby weight. I`m a few months ahead of schedule!!! On top of all that, I`m healthier. HAHA.
SO yes, I`ve been going through my entire closest and have tried on every single pair of jeans that did not fit nicely on my body and TA-DA!!! It fits SO comfortably with room to spare!!! Exciting. LOVE it.
Now, it`s time to maybe work out and really tone the muscles so it`s not so flubby. ;) Happy October & TGIF!

P.S. I love you V8 & Motts Garden! :)

Stand Still

2010-09-30T07:42:00.002-04:00

I feel like time is whipping by and I have no real record of it and by record I mean anything substantial I've done to remember it by. Jules just celebrated her 14months on Monday and Joseph and Jen have already been at school for a month. One WHOLE month has gone by and I feel like it was just yesterday I was getting their backpacks all ready and mentally prepping them for their first day of school.

I need a standstill moment. A moment to just stop, and take a deep breath and that one breath allows me to digest everything that has been going into my body/brain. I'm not saying there's an issue with time going by fast, it just feels like I'm missing out on stuff. Although I'm not quite sure what.

So a lot has happened since my last post. The kids started school and that has been awesome. I have 2-3 days alone with Juliana and all we do is sleep -something which I am desperately catching up on AND it sure feels good.
Joseph, the first grader has adjusted well (like always) and comes home with HOMEWORK. Yup, homework - thankfully NOT a whole lot but enough to keep him exercising his brain. It's cute, but I honestly don't remember having homework in grade 1, but who knows that was a heck of a long time ago! LOL.
Jen, in J/K has adjusted extremely well and does not mind one bit for her every other full day schedule. Although I wish she would remember her classmates names. She always comes home and says 'my big friend/my little friend' and when I ask her about their names she says 'i forgot'. I just chuckle, it's cute and hopefully by the end of the first term, she'll start telling me stories with NAMES in them. LOL.
Juliana...is great! she started walking(14months) without assistance and is very eager, but still crawls too. She's wobbly, but I'm sure by the time she hits 15months she'll be a pro at it. She is my latest walker. Joseph was about 13months when he started to walk and Jen right on her first birthday. Jules probably just thinks she doesn't need to walk, everyone will just carry her chubbiness because she's the baby. I'm just thankful she actually took her first steps! It get tiring after a while. Although it is a sure sign that she is growing up so quickly. Soon she'll be potty trained, out of diapers AND fully weaned, well hopefully in the reversed order actually. LOL :)

I will keep more frequent posts, I promise. Things have really been going at full speed. It seems that's what September is known for. I formally resigned from Ecoline Windows after two full years of employment. I am out of the ghettooo AND it feels GOOOOOD. Been blessed to find employment close to home, and it has worked out perfectly. It's an earlier shift (5-9) and I'm still able to pick up the kids from school, start homework with Joseph (although lots of evenings Jeff does because he is so amazing) go to work and come home and still see the kids off to bed. It really doesn't get any better than that. I was also able to get hired onto SC as a p.t server and it works out perfect. The last two weeks I've worked friday & sunday which are the days i'm not at the office. The scheduling is BEYOND perfect and I am so grateful to have both jobs and still have a family life and semi social life :) Life is good. No complaints - Praise God.

On another AMAZING Note, Mandy has joined us at SNG for the last 4 weeks. It has been such an amazing blessing to have her join us. Love it. I am over joyed. No words can express how happy I am she has chosen to make that step to know more about God and be in His presence. :) :) :)

So like I said, I will post more frequent..keep checking back. :)

For now, for those who've been praying for me, us as a family - We are well and thank you for your prayers and kind words. God is awesome & so are you. :)

September

2010-09-09T10:23:00.003-04:00

I never really was a fan of September. It's the month I most dread. Going back to school, back to 'routine'. Yup, definitely not a month I look forward to. I dreaded it most last year because Juliana was just 6 weeks and I had to pack her up every other morning and drive Joseph to school with her wailing the whole way there AND back home (it's a 7minute drive one way). It's hectic, and it still is - the story of a mother's life. This year, I didn't dread it so much, surprisingly. I actually was a bit looking forward to it all. I suppose because this year, Jen has joined the 'drop off' and it makes that 7minute drive THAT much more worth it and most of all Jules has grown to be 13months opposed to a mere 6 weeks! LOL.

First day of school for both our babies have come and gone, and it was fantastic. Joseph is now in grade 1 and goes every day and enjoys it. I notice he appreciates his lunch a lot more, or maybe he's going through a growth spurt, either way he's always 'hungry'. It's definitely not because we don't feel him, I swear. Jen is now J/K, goes every other day full day. She enjoys it, she doesn't really talk much about it, and seems pretty much nonchalant about the whole ordeal. She was a champ on the first day didn't cry or fuss. I was actually becoming a bit nervous as first day of school came closer because she has been showing signs of anxiety at night and sometimes during the day. All is well though because she is well adjusted to the concept of school. I love the days when it's just Jules & I and we have a bit of quiet and alone time. Change is good, and September is...good. LOL.

The BIGGER picture

2010-09-02T10:13:00.002-04:00

I woke up in a rage this morning. I had a dream I was making a huge scene and cussing out one of my aunts at Costco (go figure). The scene and cussing was in regards to what her reason was for not informing me or my sister about our grandpa having cancer. I was angry and on a rampage. She gave me no answer and kept walking down aisle after aisle, and I followed. Then I woke up.

I found out yesterday, through Facebook, through my cousin's status that our grandpa has developed cancer from a mole they've been trying to get assessed for the longest time. I then sent our cousins in Hong Kong a message kindly telling them to let their mom know about it. I got a prompt reply that they already knew about this because our aunt here had called them earlier to notify them. Yes, the appropriate reaction from me was "ouch". Anyway, that was when I had clued in everyone in the family knows about this - except my sister & I. Now, can we say RUDE? So I was left with this bitter resentment going to bed. Then I was awoken with a raging dream/nightmare.

It took me about 5 minutes to get orientated. I know why I had that dream, I had went to bed slightly offended I really wasn't notified about this ordeal which now is reality. I had obviously thought about it more so than I had wanted to which lead to my raging dream. I lied in bed for another 30 minutes to assess the whole thing.

I know why she didn't 'bother' to text or better yet call, it was all to spite me for what they call 'causing trouble". This was to spite me for bringing up our cheated inheritance, and in the process, I had made this 'aunt' look bad because I used her name (give me a break). So as I lay in bed thinking about the whole thing, I can't help but wonder, would I ever be treated this way had mom was still alive. Would they dare treat us this way? - I highly doubt it. But the reality is, she's not here and this is what we have to deal with.

So I've come to the conclusion (or maybe God's wonderful insight & wisdom) - it really doesn't matter when I find out, but the point is I NOW know. I will not stoop to non-believer standards and hold it against them. The more important thing is whether or not grandpa knows Christ. Although I would love to preach it to him, there are quite a few factors that hinder that process. He's 90+ (yes I don't know the exact age because his papers aren't 'correct' if you know what I mean), he's hard of hearing (like BIG time) AND he has alzeimers.

I'm going to turn this around and be positive about it. Christ Lives in us so we can show non-believers Christ love. I'm not saying this is going to be easy because 80% of me really wants to go up to her and cuss her out - but I know better. So here goes praying that raging monster inside me will be contained by Christ Love & forgiveness. Thanks guys.

God's timing is Always Perfect

2010-08-28T23:17:00.002-04:00

Tonight, as any other saturday night, after SNG we'd go to the in laws for dinner or just to stop by and let the in laws see the kids. Tonight we went to Jeff''s for dinner, and left shortly after. On our drive home, we spot something moving on the right lane; it wasn't biker and Jeff initially thought it was an animal - it wasn't. It was a man running ON the road. Something was different though, he wasn't a jogging even though I initally thought he was but he was wearing jeans. We drove closer and I saw him keep looking back as if he was running from something/someone. We drive past him and I thought, he looks frantic and looks as if he needs help. I tell Jeff to pull over but we were in the middle lane so we had to pull on the left turn lane. We put on our hazards and I wait for him to jog closer to see if he actually needs help. He crossed after there were no traffic and came to our car. I was a bit shaky because I have to say he looked shady. I asked him if he needed any help and. He began to tell us he's a youth pastor at Olive Branch church (somewhere close to us) and that one of his 'kids' got into a head on collision at markham rd and the 407. I was shocked and nervous as he was talking. In my head I was thinking whether or not this was a joke or not and whether if he was serial killer trying to hijack our car. I was still pretty unsure, until I saw his wedding band. AS SILLY as it sounds, I was comforted by the fact he was married/had a wedding band. i let him into the back seat and we started talking and driving. We drove him to the accident scene and dropped him off and went on home. On our way home we just felt such a presence of God, it was amazing. God's impeccable timing for everything.

Had we not left at the time we left, and had joseph decided he didn't want to sleep over at his grandparents, we would have never driven along that strip where we met Matt and taking him to the accident scene. After dropping Matt to the accident scene, we went home but we just felt we needed to be sure everything was okay. We heard sirens as we were getting into the house, being so close to the hospital we just felt we should be at the hospital to see if the youth pastor would be there with his 'kids'. We got back to the car and drove to the hospital. Unsure if they were there because the ER was pretty empty, we circled aroundhoping for him to walk into the ER. Finally I walked up to an ambulance that pulled up and I asked the paramedic if he knew anything about the accident and if anyone was sent to the ER. He wsn't very helpful so I got back into the car and decided if we didn't see him in 5 minutes we'd leave. We wait and I see this young guy walking out of the ER entrance and looked pretty shook up. I walked up to him and asked him if he knew a youth pastor, and turns out he was the driver!! He was on the phone with Matt and i briefly explained we had dropped Matt to the scene. He was really shaken up. Thank God he's alive. Anyway, I was able to leave him our contact, which was the whole reason we 'stalked' him and we went home. Such a profound experience to have been able to be helpful to a stranger in times of desperate need. God's timing is truly Impeccable. No one can ever time it so perfectly. praise GOD. What a way to end the evening. Thankful no one was hurt.

Weekend has arrived!

2010-08-27T15:05:00.002-04:00

Very happy that the week has ended. I can enjoy some resting time :)
I had a very fantastic week at my new job. It has been nothing but awesome-ness. I am their top performer with 21 sales in 7 days. that's 3/night. Love it, and they love ME :)

Love it even more because I get to bring my lunch and all the things i need to get me through an 8hour shift - kettle, tea bags lots of snacks! Awesome bosses make awesome workplaces. I get to go home and lie down for 20-30 minutes as a breather and go back to work. Truly blessed to have come across this job.

They are looking for a call center manager, which I have applied to. I really suck at writing cover letters, but I did it anyway and I think it turned out well. I now wait for the good news. LOL. Whether I get it or not, it doesn't really matter, I still love going to work. Half the battle sometimes is getting to work. I have got that down pat, it's 5-7 minutes away from home depending on traffic, can't get any better than that! :)

Hope everyone has an awesome weekend!!! This one's gonna be a jammed packed one! :)

All Nighter

2010-08-20T10:09:00.003-04:00

I barely slept. WOW, this is how I know I'm no longer young. I have 'all nighter' written ALL over my face ESPECIALLY under my eyes. I don't think I've ever looked SO tired. I don't even think I will be able to squeeze in a nap either. Fail.

Well, happy friday everyone!

3 A.M & Heavy Hearted

2010-08-20T03:06:00.003-04:00

It's 3am and I can't fall asleep. I really shouldn't have downed that coke the last hour of the shift. I am on caffeine overload. I really do not like it when I can't fall asleep which I'm sure I'm not the only one. I particularly hate it these days because when I can't fall asleep I have a million things going through my head that contributes to the 'can't fall asleep' thing.

So lets be honest, there are a million things that have been going on; some I've dealt with - and some I have not. There's this particular issue that I have been having difficulty with is probably the one thing I wish no one would ever have to deal with in their life time. It's a rather sensitive issue because it doesn't not revolve around me but to a few people I care about which makes it that much more sticky.

There's the point of doing the right thing, and then there's I'm not sure where this will take me. I have been fighting myself internally over this for the last few weeks and because it did not happen to me, I don't even know where to begin. I am SO conflicted. See, then there's the whole issue of feeling I shouldn't have really told or confided in anyone and have this issue complicate itself more.

Here's how it's going now: I don't look at him the same. I'm very irritated when he calls non stop when he knows I'm busy and I have a life, a job and on top of all that 3 kids to deal with. I feel quite honestly used, because he's part of this Multi-Level-Marketing (crap. A.K.A. Market America) and has been calling me nonstop to 'look over' the links he's sent me and ultimately his goal is now to suck me into this MLM thing. I feel scammed. I thought I was gonna have the opportunity to 'pick up where we left off' kind of relationship I've always wanted as a little girl. But no, that won't ever happen because that was shattered when he decided to let temptation take over and violate someone I care about. The word scammed, doesn't even begin to express what I feel.

So I feel 'scammed', and I'm also left with this gut wrenching feeling of 'doing the right thing'. Except, when I put the feeling of scammed and doing the right thing together, I cannot help but feel there's a hint of revenge in 'doing the right thing'. Then there's the question of what is the potential aftermath of this?

I need to do what's right. What's right is to make sure this never happens again. The only way to make sure this never happens again, would be...yes, reporting him. So now what?

Please keep me in prayer.

Day 4

2010-08-19T15:07:00.002-04:00

Today will be day 4 at this new job. It has been nothing but pure pleasure working with these people. It's 5 minute drive from our house and also a 5 minute drive from my in laws. Essentially, it's right smack in the middle between our house and my in laws. I love that I don't have to drive 45 mins one way and another 30minutes another to get home (without traffic). I get home exactly at 9:07pm. I Love It.

The first 3 days, I had the chance to prove my worthiness and ability to this company, and I can pretty positively say, I have proven myself over and beyond. :) They have now offered me to be part of additional 2 campaigns. The one I'm currently working on is scheduling appts for energy audits for home owners. Yes, it is a telemarketing position and there's nothing wrong with that. I love this campaign and I'm darn good at it!

I haven't left the other place yet because it's still pretty compatible with my current schedule that I can still keep it as a very part time job. I'm sure people wonder why I only apply to telemarketing or call center jobs. Well it's because I have a family, and in that family - three beautiful young babies that I'm not willing to pay 3k+ for child care. Yuppers. It's costly and to off set that, I find evening positions and it just so happens God has always come through (so faithfully) and given me the opportunity to grow in these positions. And it only seems that these are jobs available in the evenings which work out perfectly.

If I get a penny everytime someone asks me if we'd have a 4th child, I think I'd be able to purchase a van or something. The answer to that would be, No 3 is plenty. Don't get me wrong, I love babies/children/kids whatever you want to call it but 3 is really plenty. I think we're ready to move on with life, out of the 'infant car seat/diaper bag/12am/1am/2am/3am feedings' stage. We're almost there! Hahaha. Juliana now being 13months, there is ALMOST no more diaper bags, hardly any A.M feedings and definitely no more 'infant' car seat bucket thingy going on. :) On top of all that, I would like to have some sort of lifestyle other than 'mommy' style. I'd like to be more a 'wife' now as opposed to a 'mom'. I think that sums it up pretty well. :)

First Step

2010-08-16T14:05:00.003-04:00

Jules took her very first step yesterday at the in laws!! it was a mini step, but it was very very cute. She's very excited and nervous at the same time. I cannot wait til she can fully walk. The stage between walking and crawling is the most awkward because she wants to squirm out of people's arms, but she's not quite ready to walk and I can't have her crawling the floors in public. Cannot wait for her to master walking!! :) :) :)

Getting Better

2010-08-15T01:28:00.002-04:00

It's been a week since this cold has crept up on me, and I'm finally getting better. Still coughing, and the sound of my chest congestion is just plain horrid. I went to RW&CO yesterday and the sales lady asked me if I need a tissue or anything for my cough. As if a tissue would have or could have stop me from coughing. Anyway, I finally got her point when she then asked me "do you have some sort of hand sanitizer or anything?". Yup, she didn't want my germ-y hands on her on dresses I was about to try on. I guess I could totally understand if the roles were reversed, and I was the sales person having to deal with many sick-o's who walk in and cough like a mad person. So I kindly declined and told her I had my own wetone and handsanitizer and took it out and made sure she saw me use it before she handed me the dresses I put on hold.

Later I realized how awkward and embarrassing the actual situation was. It's like asking someone in a full and stuffy elevator, if they had some deodorant on them and if they can put it on because they had B.O. How about having a very serious one on one meeting and offering a piece of gum because their breath wasn't so fresh. How embarrassing. Anyway, I know it was all in good intent, just weird in how the sales lady approached the whole situation and makes me wonder about the current level of customer service expectations at the retail level. Would it have been better if she offered me a kleenex box? I'm not sure if that's worse or better, but it was definitely a first time for me to encounter a situation like this. LOL. Funny thing is, I'll see her more than once because I love that store and I think she's a supervisor/shift manager. Now how awkward is that? Haha well at least the next time I see her, I won't sound like I'm coughing up my left lung along with some phlegm! :D

RW&CO is gonna be the end of me....

2010-08-14T00:28:00.006-04:00

I think RW&CO is gonna be the end of me. I have been at that store more than TRI-WEEKLY for the last 4 weeks. It seems that I cannot get enough of that store. I have fallen in love with the quality of their clothes and to say the least, their FANTASTIC sale prices!!! (refer to previous post please).

Today I went back to one location 3 times, and also visited 2 other locations across the city, yes talk about CRAZY. Okay so my initial trip was to try on these dresses I had put on hold yesterday because they started their additional 25% off sale items yesterday but because I had to rush to work, I had no time to try but instead put them on hold. I put four dress on hold and out of the four, I bought 2 the first time and bought another two the second time I went back. I could not believe the price on them, I bought 2dresses for 34$ after taxes. When the cashier told me the total I was floored. Two quality dresses for that price is amazing!! I ended up returning the last two I bought since Jeff did not 'approve' the look. Here's a peek of what the two I have looks like:

This one, I had liked before it was marked down to 19.99. It was 49.95 and I thought it was too much to pay for but since it's marked down AND additional 25%, I just couldn't resist. Jeff doesn't really approve of this one either, but the material is raincoat-ish material and feels awesome on. :)

I LOOOOOVE this one. I have fallen in love with the material it's made out of, and feels awesome when it's on! :)

So I had to return this other one I bought because of my irregular non symmetrical body size. The dress is a size 6 which is perfect....for the LOWER part of my body (fail). My top half is apparently a size 6&1/2 or 7, or perhaps even 8 (epic Fail). I can zip it ALL the way up and the last inch would just rip the dress. SAD. Sad sad day. Anyway, it's okay I'm sure I will find some more awesome deals later when I've done breastfeeding this child so I can perhaps return to a 'semi' normal symmetrical body shape and size. :)

Fabulous Finds!!!

2010-08-11T18:21:00.000-04:00

Okay I must have inherited my moms awesome bargin hunting skills. I
love to shop, but with 3 young children shopping at regular price is
the biggest taboo ever, well at least from what I've been raised to
believe (Asian culture).

So yesteray I went to RW & Co and I have become their "very" regular
customer within the last 4 weeks. I never really shopped their before
because their stuff seemed a bit overpriced to the average housewife.
Anyway, few weeks ago I went in with Jeff and found such awesome deals
in their sale section and plus additional 25% on top of that! When we
left the cashier kindly informed us there were gonna be more mark
downs so come back. So I did. I found these awesome sandals/flip flops
for a whopping 4.95$/pair!!!!! I was freaking out at the store because
it was such a fantastic deal!!! I bought three pairs. Gold, silver
and black!!! I was very excited because they ONLY had my size! Wooot!
Usually it's the other way around, no big sizes. I'm wearing them
right now and I cannot believe the quality of it. They have grip on
them!! I'm not used to this quality of sandal for this price!!!
Hahaha. I also picked up two awesome belts for $1.95 each. Yuppers. I
spent a total of $21.19 for 3pairs of sandals and 2 belts! And scored
three reusuable Eco bags!!!

This is what happens when women get married and have kids - hunt for
bargains and get super excited when there are fab finds for fab
prices!! LOL.

I caught a COLD

2010-08-09T20:09:00.003-04:00

I feel like absolute garbage. I rarely get sick and when I do, I feel like my world is coming to an end. Not because I'm sick, but because I'm SICK AND I HAVE 3 BABIES to tend to. Yup. Just end my life right there. Pounding headache, no sleep, stuffy nose, chest congestion - you name it, I got it. UGH.

Will mother nature just settle down on a consistent temperature so that I won't be sick?! Although I think I got sick from Jules, but that's besides the point.

I FEEL MISERABLE.

Test drive

2010-08-08T22:51:00.001-04:00

I took the buick/gmc test drive today. Tried out this luxurious baby:
the srx? I think thts the one. This baby is 61k. Wayyyyyy too much to
spend on a car. It was beautiful inside though; rain detecting wipers,
seat beat notification for the babies in the back and the list goes on
and on. It's a five seater, if we were to even think about purchasing
a new car, we'd hope to buy a 8 seater. To chaffeur the awesome MIL
and FIL around ;) I will win the lotto max this Friday!!! Woooot !!!!!
Hahahaha ;)

Back off, get your own sandwich!

2010-08-08T21:54:00.001-04:00

Does anyone else remember that silly commercial? I think it was for a
condiment of some sort but can't quite remember which one. Anyway Ive
always kinda chuckled when it came on in between programs.

It kinda relates to everyday life situations, whether it's someone
looking over your shoulder while having lunch or someone just way too
close to your personal bubble; you just wanna say "back off! Get your
own "insert object here".

Since moving Into our home, we've had our fair share of hosting and
entertaining friends and family - we enjoy it. Some may be
ridiculously spontaneous and some well planned for months.

We had a ridiculously spontaneous get together recently and when I say
spontaneous I mean it was planned less than 6hurs before the event
happening. The ridiculous part: i was expecting just two guests which
quicky multiplied to 5 thEn to 9. Can we say spontaneous?! So anyway
it multiplied so quickly because my aunt decided to self invite
herself and invited my other cousin and his gf. It turned out to be
quite a successful night though. Hot pot in the summer time wasn't too
bad. :) homemade funnel cake for dessert was even better!!!

Anyway after the fact I was confronted with a "thanks for the invite,
and why wasn't I invited". Clearly by someone who wasn't invited. So
here's the question, should this person be invited to EVERY single
event we host? And why? Are we obligated to invite a certain person to
every single event we host? This is where I feel like saying "back off
and get your own sandwich!"

Or is it a syndrome where everything that happens must revolve one?
I'm confused. Simply because I would never ask someone "why didn't you
invite me" because there could be many reasons.

After some Thinking, I should not have to feel guilty about not
inviting someone: one, it's our home and two (as possessive as this
sounds), it's our friends which they don't normally hang out on a
normal basis. At the end of the day, there's no obligation there.

There. Got. It. Off. My. Chest.

Happy Sunday.

Limit

2010-08-03T20:58:00.001-04:00

There really should be a limit as to how much bad news or bad things
one should have to endure in ONE WEEK. Maybe God can implement some
sort of rain cheque policy going on. I thought God will only give one
as much as they can handle. I feel as though I've been given way too
much in just one week.

A week ago Sunday I finally had the courage to confront the biggest
most emotional obstacle in my life. "The Aunt who cheated us of our
inheritance". Nothing much came of it, except I finally got it out in
the open how I felt about it all this time and it felt good to have
her know that WE know she cheated us. The update on that is, I
consulted a very obnoxious (free consult) lawyer and he was such a
jerk about the whole thing; I feel very discouraged about the whole
making her accountable for what she did.

On Thursday Peggy tells me she's going to stalk her boyfriend. Her
boyfriend is cheating on her. I ask her how'd she find out, she tells
me her boyfriend had hickeys on him that did not belong to her. FAIL.
Why bother stalking him then? She already knows he's unfaithful,
therefore move on. Nope, her simple response was "I want to see what
this b*t*h looks like". It totally threw me for a loop. I tried to
reason with her and give her the most godly counsel. Didn't work.
EPIC FAIL. she left the house on her mission. My heart hurts for her.
No amount of words can steer her the right way. I resort to praying
for her.

On Friday I'm all ready to pick up the kids from APC summer camp until
I get sideswiped with the most unthinkable thing that happened
thursday night, 16hours away. I wish I can just blog about this
horrific event that took place, but I cannot. I felt like my world
has come to a complete stop once again. I finally have dad back in my
life after SO long and now I feel like I don't even know who he is and
what he has become; someone might as well just rip him out of my life
again. My heart could not stop hurting for Mandy, and having to deal
with this alone. I've been asking God why He brought dad back in my
life when something like this was to happen. What is the big picture
in all this? Why do I need to see this monstrous side of him? I would
be perfectly fine with just knowing that he's out there and never back
in my life again. Although I must say I was overjoyed when we talked
and I felt love from my surviving parent. Now THIS. I knew he walked
away from God 20+years ago, but I really truly hoped that deep down
there is that seed that God planted when he first came to Christ and
beneath all that he's done there's still some good in him. I feel
this is EPIC FAIL for me believing.

Is that enough for one week? Now where's my raincheque? But all jokes
aside, I'm really praying and trusting that God has control over
everything. The hard part is living it out and trying not to pull my
hair out.

Thankful for everyone who's supporting me through this dramatic week.
It has really taken a toll on me, but I'm hanging on knowing I have
great family, friends and church family rooting me on. Thank you. <3

Jules birthday <3

2010-07-29T20:55:00.000-04:00

Jules turned 1 on Tuesday. I'm still in disbelief that one full year
has flown by just like that. It has been one very busy and fun year
though.

We celebrated on the weekend with family and friends at my in laws.
Even though the weather didn't shine for us, our little birthday girl
did. We still managed to have lots of fun. By fun I mean five minute
set up and tear downs of the jumpy castle because of the torrential
downpour every other five minutes. Ha ha. Just kidding. That was
hectic but the kids really jumped for the jumpy castle. We had awesome
company and that made up for the crappy weather.

We spent her actual birthday with family, Ed, Steve and Gabbi. It was
awesome. Although it felt like it should be a Friday evening and not a
Tuesday evening.

So now that Jules has turned one, I think I'm in the right mind to
officially say we are not having anymore babies! People always say
it's too soon to think about having more children before the current
child turns one. So woohoo, we are done! Not to say we don't love
children, we do and we have plenty! Now it's time fir us to enjoy
other peoples newborns!! LOL

Happy first birthday Juliana! <3

Happy 1st birthday to our Juliana Grace!

2010-07-27T00:31:00.001-04:00

She's ONE! wow, insane. that's all for now. it is 12:30am. LOL :P

I Did It.

2010-07-26T11:23:00.002-04:00

After 9&1/2 years of emotional torment and debating whether or not I should or should not, I finally did it yesterday - July 25th 2010.

I finally confronted one of my biggest emotional obstacles - meeting my aunt to discuss where my inheritance disappeared to. One and half hour of talking, semi arguing and heated discussion later, Peggy and I clearly did not get the answer we were hoping for. Simple honesty would be suffice. That was clearly not the case. However, I am happy to say I held it together good. The past week I have been having panic attacks while driving because I was thinking so much about the meeting; what I would say, how I would say it etc that I forgot to breathe while driving and caused myself to hyperventilate. I did not cry infront of her, I did not swear and all in all, held it together. That's not to say that I didn't cry, I did. On our drive home that is.

I feel good. I will and in the process of pursuing this as a legal matter now. I have confronted her infront of two witnesses, but did not solve the matter and this will be the step I will take to get the answers I clearly deserve.

I feel as though an emotional weight has been lifted off my heavy heart. I have always wanted to confront her, all these years but because of the whole respect and asian culture thing; I was afraid to do so. However, something changed since dad have come back into my life. I feel as though I'm no longer alone in this, even though he's 15 hrs away I feel the support from him via telephone. I feel I now have the backbone to confront my aunt about this huge issue that I have ran away from. It feels good.

Someone needs to be held accountable for what was spent and where it was spent. I may or may not get anything in the end of all this, the main thing though is for my aunt to know that Peggy and I now know we were cheated.

I understand however that this may have caused a rift in what they call 'family', but I think I'm okay with it. I've forgiven my aunt, but she still needs to be held accountable for the inheritance and all that my mother had left behind for us.

I feel good. Thank you for all those praying for me the past week. It is truly an emotional journey. I feel as though I've reopened the pain of losing mom, but also a healing and closure to know that what she left for us is being pursued. I will keep updates.

Thank you again.

UPDATE

2010-07-08T17:41:00.003-04:00

This has definitely been the most hectic summer I've ever encountered.

Joseph Update: We enrolled him into literacy bootcamp for 2 weeks, something he desperately needs. It's everyday for 2 weeks and it's only 2&half hours long. dreadful. I drop him off to the school which is 20mins drive away, go home and in 45 minutes or so, I have to leave again to pick him up - IN THE HEAT WAVE. Just awful. But because he desperately needs it and it is so beneficial, I have no choice but to comply to this hectic schedule that impedes nap time for the girls. One more week to go and it's over. I'm just thankful that he ABSOLUTELY loves summer (boot) camp. He asks every morning if he has camp and jumps for joy every time I tell him he does. I have noticed that he's becoming more mature, in terms of understanding routines and instructions. I am every so thankful he's at this stage it makes life so much easier having him as a super helper.

Jen Update: For being 3&half year old, she's acting like she's 30. She's bossy. She's demanding and she's too mature for her age! She has to pick out her own clothes to wear when going out, she has to 'instruct' her brother to do things and the list just goes on. I cannot believe the attitude she's got already. When being scolded or told not to do certain things, she goes on and on about WHY she has to do it or WHY she did what she wasn't supposed to do. *sigh* On the other hand, she is SO loving. We're always being told by both of them 'i love you mommy & daddy' - it's is the MOST cutest thing. I love that they are so affectionate. In a few months, she will be starting school and as much as we're looking forward to it; it's bittersweet - she's GOING TO SCHOOL!

Jules update: She loves talking on the phone. She will get angry if you take the phone away from her when she's talking. She understands when people say bye and will start to wave. She can give people 'five' when asked. it's SO cute. I canont believe in a few weeks she'll be one. Time is going by insanely fast!!!

ME update: I have been so busy, I haven't had ME time. SO Busy I have one FULL drama waiting for me to watch and half of another one. I'm also looking for other employment opportunities as we speak, but God willing and God's timing. I talk to dad every weekend - from NO dad for so long, to DAD every weekend is QUITE the drastic change. It's good, we talk about random things, but it's nice to have him back in my life. We discussed possible trip to Georgia to visit him. Exciting, but needs quite some planning esp with ME and THREE children. LOL.

Ive adapted a healthier eating lifestyle. I'm on a mission to be healthy & lose some weight. 1 spinach salad a day, 1 cup of tomato juice a day. No junk food, well minimal :) Now i just gotta put the work out part into this lifestyle :)
That's all for now. back to my busy summer schedule. :)

Happy 11 months Juliana!

2010-06-27T23:02:00.001-04:00

Jules a week before turning 11months old. We have been quite busy the
last few weeks, so busy i had forgot to post her 10month milestone!
Some of the things that have developed over the last few weeks:

- Jules has more teeth than the months she's been born. Her top two
molars made it's debut secretly at her 10month mark.

- she has mastered crawling up the stairs although I am terrified
still she will lose her balance and tumble backwards.

- she initiates conversation with random strangers when I hold her by
making a grunting noise. She can hold a grunting conversation as long
as you grunt back. It's quite cute and amusing at the same time. Lol.

- she understands what a telephone is and what it does ie: she will
make grunting noises when I pick up the phone or if she picks up the
phone.

- she has mastered the phony cry face.

- she wants to stand all the time while holding onto furniture, a sure
sign of wanting to cruise.

- she has a clear understanding of praise ad compliment. When asked to
hand over whatever she has in her hand, she will. After we tell her
she's a good girl she rocks with laughing and hitting her thighs.

One more month til she's the big ONE! That means a party is in
order!!! :) that's all for now.

Earthquake in Toronto?!

2010-06-23T21:51:00.000-04:00

I was awoken from my nap this afternoon with a hard shake to my bed
and realized the whole house was shaking.

I initially thought a car had hit our row of town house because this
happened at the last town home we lived in and the car was in the
kitchen. When the shaking didn't stop, I thought what the heck were
my neighbours up to now?! First their dog is uncontrolably yappy, now
they decide to cause the whole house to shake?!?!

10seconds later, I realized that it wasn't my neighbours because our
bed was still moving side to side after the initial shake. The side to
side movement continued for another 20-30seconds. By this time, I was
fully awake and thought it had to be an earthquake. So what do I do?!
I pick my phone and log onto fb and voilà! Approx ten to fifteen
status updates of feeling the earth shake!!! And I log into Twitter
and probably 30tweets of earthquake being felt from toronto to Ottawa.
Craziness!! It was a tremor from the epic center of Quebec. Thankful
we experienced a tremor only and not the full scope, especially since
Jeff was at work. But he felt it and called me right after.

On a lighter note, have no fear; this is Quebec's way of separating
itself from civilization aka Canada. ;)

Sent from my iPhone

Cooking (with) Mama

2010-06-22T23:04:00.001-04:00

There's this awesome game that first came out on the nintendo ds
called Cooking Mama and now it's available on quite a few consoles,
including the iPhone. Anyway I was addicted to that game, that is
until our ds was being "fixed" by Jeff. By fix, I mean he took it
apart and it died. Thankfully I was able to borrow my brother in laws
ds! That was, until Joseph dropped it into the toilet while trying to
pee.
Then I had the iPhone, and it came out on the iPhone!!! I was so
happy, until I learned how difficult it was to try and flip eggs,
because with the iPhone the idea is to literally move the phone as
though the phone itself was the frying pan. Yup, that totally ruined
my excitment and hype to continue playing. I kept getting terrible
scores. Anyway so now, here's Cooking Mama, Genie version!

This is my absolute favourite dish - spicy cashew nut beef. I got the
idea from this Thai restaurant right beside my office. The first time
I tried it, I thought how weird, there's fruit in this dish an it's
awfully sweet! So I tried it a second time and asked for no fruits,
and it was amazing! So I improvised, and here's my version. It's not
spicy because of young children, but it's sweet and tastes delicious! :)

It contains beef, zucchinis and cashews! Very simple, quick and
healthy dish!!! Yummyyyy!

Lesson on being Civil

2010-06-21T20:11:00.003-04:00

Dictionary.com: adhering to the norms of polite social intercourse; not deficient in common courtesy: After their disagreement, their relations were civil though not cordial.

Some can do this, and others can't. It's simply a choice. One chooses to be civil to show respect to others and to be respectable. No small talk is needed in order to be civil, just speak when spoken to. Simple as that. Boy, am I ever fond of being civil, it makes life quite a breeze; you don't have to talk to those you don't have to - Just be civil and courteous.

Milestones x 3

2010-06-20T23:28:00.001-04:00

This weekend went by way too quickly. But it was an amazing one. So
many milestones all jam packed into one weekend, and it just so
happened to be father's day weekend.

Peggy graduated from her college program and is now all grown up. I
cannot even begin to describe how happy I was to see her walk up to
receive her diploma. Pure joy. :) I know mommy will be so proud of her
baby girl. I was clearly a proud sister because I took over
100pictures of her and also got a video of her receiving her diploma
and handshake! :) woooot!

Later that same afternoon, while napping with the kids my DADDY
called. Yup, that's not a typo. He called. Funny thing was I wasn't
gonna pick it up being half asleep still. Then after taking a double
look at the number I realized it was him! He had left his number when
he replied my email that very same morning. I truly didn't expect him
to call. It was all happening so fast, I thought we'd communicate
through email a little bit more before actually speaking to each
other. It was so awesome (but weird) to hear his voice. It sounded
pretty much the same from when I heard it last.
We spoke for close to 45minutes! I had to actually cut it short
because I was running late in meeting my sister, Mandy.

I was meeting Mandy for bubble tea, apparently her favourite as
well! :). It was not weird for those wondering, it felt like I knew
her for a long time. It helped that we texted for a few days Prior to
meeting in person. :)

We didn't really stay for long at bubble tea, we met up with Jeff and
the kids so Mandy could meet them. It was really nice. I had a very
good time acquainting with my new sibling.

So three big milestones happened all in one day. What an experience!!
I cannot express the amount of joy I have, the word 'overjoyed' is an
understatement.

I am already hearing a bit of negative remarks/comments/opinions being
expressed regarding my decision in going forth and acknowledging my
half siblings. However, I have chosen to please God and not man, and
I know that God would approve of this even if man thinks otherwise.

Truly blessed and honoured to have been able to experience this in my
lifetime. I can surely say, this is a true testimony of God's love,
faithfulness and forgivness.

Maggots GALOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-18T07:13:00.008-04:00

****Post contains disgusting pictures of MAGGOTS! BE WARNED! *****

It's garbage day today. Jeff always brings out the bins and the trash to the curb, yesterday was no different. What was different was the panic attack he suffered when he opened the green bin lid....
Yup, his ALL TIME phobia - MAGGOTS, not just small teeny weeny ones, big fat juicy maggots. UGH. GROSSNESS!

So in this picture here, you can't really get a good look at them because the bags are covering the massive amounts of their fast producing capabilities.

Maggots are gross, but they are certainly not MY phobia, they are my wonderful husband's. So we stand around for about 2 minutes to have Jeff calm his nerves, and for me to coach his breathing (because at this point he was going to hyperventilate). I went to get him some thick yellow gloves from the kitchen. I have never seen my husband SO freaked out. Okay, well yes I have - the other one time where we had an even more massive infestation of maggots two summers ago!

Anyway, so we have the hose all ready, another garbage bin all lined with another garbage bag. The plan was to take the bags OUT of the green bin, and transfer them into the garbage bin. Let me tell you, THIS IS ABSOLUTELY GROSSNESS of the century! ... Here's a picture to prove it...

DO YOU SEE THE MASSIVE JUICY MAGGOTS?! Well there must have been hundreds and thousands of them! Jeff lifted one bag and there were EVEN more. I think at this point he had enough, he just lifted the entire green bin and dumped it into the garbage bin. YUCKERS!!

Remind me again WHY we have this composting system - it's SO gross!! UGH.

I had to tie up the black garbage bag because Jeff could no longer handle the sight of them, and trust me he looked like he was either going to throw up or pass out. If he could do both at the same time, I'm sure he would have.

I was also given the job to spray down both inside and outside of the green bin. Those little buggers are surely one of the most hardest things to get rid of. They may look small and incompetent, but let me just assure you they crawl so fast it's UNBELIEVABLE! I probably had to leave the hose running for a good 5 minutes to be sure they were all washed away downstream because if I stopped the water flow it would start inching it's way back to our garage!!!!!

The moral of the story: I don't quite know if there is one, but just a tip, we usually DOUBLE, TRIPLE and sometimes QUADRUPLE our green bin bags. I'm not sure how maggots came about this time, perhaps it was the raw meat wrappers or something in there that let the maggots fester and produce. So be sure to keep all your raw meats/raw ANYTHING in the fridge until the day before garbage day, or there will be massive grossness production in your green bin.

And so here it is, my maggot post of the year. Hope the visuals help to enhance our maggot story.

Have a fantastic FRIDAAAY!

Joseph's Graduation

2010-06-17T09:43:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was Joseph's SK graduation ceremony. It was a great turn out, even though Joseph was very camera shy in the beginning. They performed a few songs and a poem and they sounded all SO cute - a bunch of chipmunks. :)

I cannot believe the time that has gone by. I remember the first day of JK for Joseph which I'm sure he was bit nervous, but he was a champ. Now he'll be in grade 1, full day and playing in the big yard. Time flies, but it flies extraordinarily fast with children!

Love Came Down...

2010-06-16T19:25:00.000-04:00

So i emailed dad yesterday. It truly was not as difficult as my brain made it out to be. It took me less than 30minutes to draft up a quick letter. I guess typing it made it a million times faster too.

Anyway, I felt so much lighter after writing that email and clicking send. I cannot express the joy in making this choice. I told dad I know he may feel shameful or full of guilt, but to not be afraid because I am not here to judge him. I have no right/power to do so because none of us are perfect and all I want is to let him know God forgave me and my wrong doings, so I may forgive those who wronged me. I truly forgive him.

Oh how I pray he can reply to it and just talk to me. Like I said, I heard he's an complete computer idiot. He knows how to receive the email, read it but not REPLY. Oh dear.

So in the mean time, I'm getting to know my sister. It's weird, new, and very exciting. I was warned to be cautious and what not because who knows what they really think or do to me. But what can they REALLY do? If in that case I'm to be cautious, wouldn't it be in the right mind that they should be cautious? I am 'supposedly' the one who 'should' be hating because they 'ruined' my life so to speak. Anyway, I refuse to even have those type of thoughts conceived because what satan intended for evil, God will turn it around for good. This will be Glory to God.

A side note, this weekend is going to be fantastic! I'm will be attending Peggy's graduation ceremony from post secondary! VERY exciting. I also have plans to meet my other sister for the very first time. God has some awesome things in store this weekend!! WOOOOOOOOT!

"I have so much joy right now, I wish I can bottle some up and give it to you". :)

I did it.

2010-06-15T19:34:00.000-04:00

I did it. I clicked 'send' and sent my dad an email.
I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I hope he's learned how to use this thing called email and respond back to me. I heard he's a computer idiot. So we shall wait.

Choices

2010-06-14T09:15:00.000-04:00

It's been a few days since my last post, and within these last few days a lot has happened. By a lot, I mean I got to hang out with dad's side of the family a lot more than I expected to; I got a quite a few things off my chest by asking 3rd uncle and 5th aunt about dad and lastly, I gained a sister.

After finding out Friday evening that 3rd uncle met up with dad's 2nd family, I have to admit part of me was a bit offended and the other part of me curious. All these questions I had for Jackie, and believe me I totally grilled him like a desperate housewife looking for some kind of purpose in life. I learned my half sister is 16 years old and half brother 14, and that Jackie had pictures of them. I think that was all the information I retained. So what did I do when everyone left that evening? I facebook stalked (*insert embarassed face here*). I saw their faces, I tried to analyze if they looked anything like me or Peggy. I always thought they would look very similar to us, but to my surprise, this was not the case. I can see resemblance of dad in my brother, but not so much my sister. So at this point, I have access to her FB profile, I had two choices. One, I could add her as a friend, possibly send her a message and see where it would take me. Two, I could ignore it all and stay mad and focus on the fact that these are the same people who "ruined" my life so to speak. After 5 hours of continue going back and forth both in my head, and talking out loud to Jeff (I say 'to' because he was busy playing starcraft2 and had already given me the advice the first 30minutes of deliberation) and his encouragement, I decided to take that leap of faith.

3am, I emailed Mandy. After hitting the send button, I was able to breathe. I was able to go to bed, although it was probably the most terrible sleep I've had in a long time. I woke up to and checked my email about a dozen times to see if she replied. She didn't. I now add her as a FB and to be honest by this point I was thinking the worse of her, if she was anything like me she's probably be rebellious, ignorant and full of attitude and hence she didn't bother to reply to my email. So being the stalker that I am, I add her as a friend to FB.

4pm Saturday I get her acceptance as a friend on FB while at 2nd uncle's house. What a miracle. Now all I can think about is I have a sister and we are actually in touch. We have dinner at uncle's and then I launch an open discussion about the where abouts of dad and a bunch of questions of why this and why that. Of course no one can really answer any of my questions because they are not dad. Only he can answer my questions, but it certainly felt good to have gotten it all out there for dad's side to know that's how I felt and wonder about all the time.

I made a conscious decision during the stay at uncles: whatever happened is now water under the bridge, it was the last generation's issues and not this generation's. That being said, I will now being to build a relationship with my sister and brother.

That same evening, I FB chatted with Mandy til 3am. It was a revitalizing few hours. I learned A LOT, and I'm sure she learned a great deal about our history. I cannot even begin to describe the joy and peace I felt after having that convo with Mandy. I feel SO much lighter, and it's as though nothing else matters. I can feel God's restoration so strong in my life right now, I cannot stop giving Him Praise. Of course, there a few people who know bits and pieces of what's happening right now, are out right outraged that I am having 'contact' with the other woman's children. All I can say is, no one can, or should judge. Sure, I totally understand many people were hurt in all of this, but why let that hurt continue to poison everything? And most of all, children from situations like such are most innocent and cannot be put into the same equation.

Through out this whole discovery, at times I was so caught up thinking "how could he?", but that no longer is the question. The question now is, "how could we make things better? or perhaps right?" If I keep thinking negatively about the entire ordeal, I would lose. I would lose myself in the sadness, anger of it all because it was becoming evident in my daily life. I have God and Jeff to thank, for always being my conscious so to speak. Always giving me the wisdom and guidance through situations like such. I don't think I would have made it through. I was so tempted to be hateful, petty and demeaning after finding out about my half siblings - but I did not. GOd has a reason for all this, He has control over everything. I really believe there's some sort of restoration going on. I just have to believe and trust no matter how hard and how unbelievable things may seem.

I now have dad's email. I'm in the midst of trying to muster up all that I want to say and ask. I'm excited, but I heard he's a computer idiot, he can only read emails but not reply. I'll probably leave a postal address in my email so he can snail mail me if he decides to reply to my email.

I have to thank all those who have been praying for me. I don't know how I would have survived if not for your prayers and consistent encouragement to do the right thing. I have come out of the (emotional) woods, and it can and will only go well from here. I choose to only have it go well from here.

I opened my Bible this morning and came to this:

How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live in harmony! For harmony is as precious as the anointing oil that was poured over Aaron's head, that ran down his beard and onto the border of his robe. Harmony is as refreshing as the dew from Mount Hermon that falls on the mountains of Zion. And there the Lord has pronounced his blessing, even life ever lasting.

Psalm 133:1-3

It doesn't matter how we all got here, what does matter is we have the same Father and we are family.

It has been 2 & half weeks...

2010-06-10T20:25:00.001-04:00

It has been 2 and a half weeks since I found out about dad. I have to say 'I'm dealing'. There are days where I feel absolutely normal, like nothing has changed (and nothing physically has, I'm still here, without him for the last 22 yrs). Then there are days where I feel like I can choke myself with my own tears thinking about him. So, in conclusion I feel as though I am stuck in a time warp (emotionally), or for better term - Quarter century life crisis? IF that even makes any sense. I would say mid life, but I'm only turning 26 this year.

What could/would/should have been....but is not.

2010-06-02T20:10:00.000-04:00

Like promised, I would elaborate on my previous post.

I think it's only appropriate to start from the very beginning.

I like to think I was my dad's favourite. I have memories of us doing stuff together, me asking him lots of questions being the curious child I was. I remember him taking me to the Ex, which I ever so LOVED because I LOVE the up and down feeling in my tummy when i'm on the rides. I remember going to work with mom and dad at the poultry wholesale factory we owned and having to nap on two chairs pulled together because it was always a long day there, 12-15 hrs. I was there so much I was forced to practice writing my chinese for most of my day. My first experience of Coffee Crisp SO vivid in my mind because that's all my dad bought me and was always available in his office. The big CEO office. Then everything changed.

I was four/five when my life took an unexpected change. I say unexpected, which probably only applies to me because I'm sure every adult surrounding me at that point knew this change was about to happen (but had failed to notify my mother or me).

I remember dinner being prepared every evening by mom after a long day for her, and us waiting for dad to come home for dinner. Evening which grew to night. I remember distinctly the one night when dad came home and dinner was finished and he threw a fit. Dinner wasn't ready? So they argued.

Mom: "I cook every night, we wait for hours and you don't show, the one night we don't wait you come home! I've had enough!!"

Dad: "I was caught up at work."

I was then sent to my room without hearing the rest of the argument.

Mom knew he was caught up at work, but it wasn't WORK he was caught up with. It was the other woman at work he was caught up with. Finally realizing exactly which woman it was, it was already too late because she had resigned from her job. The very same woman mom had introduced into our company to work because she was new to Canada.

We moved back to Grandma's very shortly after all this. Mom and Dad as I knew of now just became MOM. Things were rough after, I remember missing my dad very much. My sister came along shortly after. I can only imagine the hardship for mom being merely 29, divorced with two young ones and creditors calling all hours of the day.

Dad promised to come visit. He would tell Mom he was going to be coming on the weekend to take us out. I remember when the weekend came, I would sit out on grandma's porch looking down the street waiting for dad's car to drive up. I remember waiting til it got dark and finally the reality of him not coming. I would do the same on Sunday because dad promised, surely he wouldn't lie to me; he loves me. I would repeat this weekend after weekend. Nothing changed except I grew older and by 8 years old and I knew then he was a liar; who didn't love me. The last I had heard through the grapevine was he fled the country because of Fraud.

Mom would pour her life into raising my sister & I. Life was hard for her, she missed my dad and the hard reality that he was spending his life with the other woman and now fathered two kids with her broke her heart. Still, through it all she did it. She did odd jobs here and there, put us through all these extra curricular activities and I love her for it all. She did it with all her heart and I am sure it was not the easiest job; I was reaching the rebellious age of 14 with no father figure.

At this point, I was sure dad was either dead (after being pursued by creditors/loan sharks etc) or in jail somewhere. Didn't matter though, I was 14 going on 15 and didn't have a care in the world. 'No one can tell me what to do' was my attitude. Mom was pretty upset, I was then sent away to live with my aunt in Ottawa for the summer. Shortly coming back to Toronto and back home with Mom, she was diagnosed with Sinus Cancer. Another unexpected turn of events.

I smartened up. Maybe it was too little too late but at the tender age of 16, mom left us after being diagnosed with terminal bone cancer.

Dad was notified by his sister via long distance. The entirety of the conversation went something like this:

Aunt: Hey, your ex wife passed away few days ago.

Dad: *click*

Aunt calls back

Dad: 'wrong number' *click*

That was 9 years ago.

Dad's side of the family has always maintained that they never had contact with him. Dad's brothers came from Singapore couple weeks ago. I had Lunch with them sunday. Sunday evening as we were leaving, my 3rd uncle tells me dad has just conveniently called while I was in the other room. Dad asked about my sister & I. Uncle told him I'm now married and have 3 young children. Uncled asked whether he would like to speak to me since he was only 1 glass door away. He said no, that neither of us are emotionally ready for it. I was then told Dad is now managing a restaurant in Florida. I asked if he had a family. Uncle tried to land this one softly, but I knew by the way he answered it was a definite yes, he has a family. Dad wants to communicate possibly through email and wants to see pictures of my children.

We left shortly after. I felt as if life changed for me once again. The questions, the hurt, it all came rushing back.

We could have been a happy family. But now, it's all water under the bridge as Jeff would say.

But I'm hurting. 22 years later, and I feel as though I'm just now going through the grieving process all over again.

I have so many questions but the reality of it is, do I want to hear his answers?

It's been 3 days since I've learned that he's alive and well. i'm just as heavy hearted as I first heard the news.

Who knew this would affect me the way it has?

Just for the Record

2010-05-31T09:19:00.000-04:00

I wish i had more time to elaborate this post, but because I have to meet up with family - this will be brief.

I would like to just have on record somewhere the day my father called and asked about my sister & I.

The date would be May 30 2010.

22 years later.

Utter disblief as I heard about this. The irony that I was just in the other room as my 3rd uncle spoke to him on the phone.

I will update this. I am still in shock. I am still digesting the mere fact that he called.

My Watershed Moment - Parents Magazine

2010-05-12T17:21:00.000-04:00

Read this article in my monthly subscription of Parents, and thought it was so beautifully written and often times mirrored what I feel...

[ It took an overflowing faucet from our upstairs neighbour's apartment to remind me that grief - like a water stain - never truly fades away.
The year I had my first child, Samara, was also the 14th anniversary of my mother's death. Unlike in past years, though, this time I refused to cry. How could I cry, when the morning was filled with sunshine streaming through our windows, dancing through the golden stands of my 10 month old daughter's hair? It would have seemed wrong to cry when paper-thin crepes served with honey and butter were waiting for me when I awoke. But then the water came.
Our upstairs neighbours are always doing something: stomping on the floors, moving furniture, vacuuming. And then there is the matter of water. They must have buckets of it upstairs. It spills over the tubs, through the cracks, and down onto our ceiling. We have watermarks in our kitchen, the bedrooms and our bathroom. Twice we have had replaced the ceiling with a thick plaster coating, but it has never been a clean fix. We love this place, despite the stains, despite the neighbours. It is our home, the first one we bought together as a couple. But now all I could think about was the new watermark on my bathroom ceiling that was bigger and darker than the others - it looked like one I'd never be able to clean, no matter how hard I scrubbed. As I stared at it, I was struck by how ineffective patching can be if the root problem is not fixed - whether it's a leaky pipe or a broken heart. And I was reminded of the truth: I will never really be "over" my mother's death. That was what finally made me cry.
I thought I was better, but I have thought that before. At the funeral, relatives promised my grief would ease, that it would change once I had my own family.
They were right. And they were wrong. I grew up and graduated from highschool, college and grad school. I got married. I had a baby. And in the spaces in between those events it did hurt less and less.
I got used to the absence, learned how to comfort myself after a breakup and how to cook on my own. I learned how to do laundry and sew. And I did it all without my mother's help. But the events themselves were always bittersweet: a blinding sadness during my highschool graduation, two years after her death, when my grandmother gave me the necklace my mother had worn in highschool; hot tears during the toast my father gave at my wedding, when his voice cracked at the mention of my mother's name.
Now that I'm a parent, I have new perspective. Samara makes me think of my mother in a different way. After all, she looks so much like my mom. Even though her eyes are blue and her wide forehead is all father's, she definitely has my mother's nose, unmistakable as it is, wider at the tip, spreading across her face when she smiles. And she smiles often.
Nana, my mother's mother, says Samara crawled the way my mother did almost 60 yrs ago, pushing up on her arms and then belly flopping down. It would have been so much easier for her if she had just gotten up on all fours, but she didn't. Instead she's grunt, working so hard for each inch, her little arms pushing so much harder than they needed to.
Sometimes I look at Samara and I see my mother, seeing me. I questioned her love all the time, tested my boundaries as all teenagers do. With my mother I will always be 16, engaged in a permanent power struggle, constantly running away and coming back to her arms. She had a tough exterior broken only in moments: sobbing at the deli counter the day I left for a summer abroad; writing me a hopeful letter on my 16th birthday when she had chemo instead of cake and I yelled at her for ruining a day that was supposed to be "sweet". She promised my next birthday would be better; she died two months later.
My mother is frozen in my mind at 45. the age she turned on her final birthday. It once seemed so old, yet now I feel like we are almost peers - two women with young children and a husband who works too hard. What would she think of the mother and wife I have become?
I can't see her as a grandmother; she never baked a cookie in her life. But I know she would have helped me push Samara out, literally. "It will be okay," she might have whispered when I was asking for Demerol at 9cm. I would have believed it, coming from her. But instead I pushed Samara out with my husband holding my hands, coaching me. And when I saw my daughter, all I could think was : My Baby. So beautiful.
"You look like you did the day you were born," Nana whispered to my mom on the day she died. I remember how my mother looked: bald, thin, like a baby bird. Now I know what Nana must have thought: My baby. So beautiful.
Samara is named for my mother, the S echoing across the generations. Her name was Susan. At Samara's baby-naming ceremony, the rabbi asked what qualities I wanted my daughter to share with her namesake. I said I hoped she'd have my mother's independence and her humor - but not her cooking skills. And definitely not her sense of direction: She once got lost in a parking lot and finally broke down in tears after circling for more than 20 minutes to find the exit.
I didn't say it, but I also hop Sam gets my mother's self-deprecation. When she laughed - most often at something silly she had done - I could see the fillings in the back of her mouth. I remember this more than the fights, more than the time she slapped me and I slapped her back. More than the time she yelled at me for squashing a spider.
I hope mymother knows that I remember more good than bad. I feel the good when I sing to Samara, her sleep-heavy body warm and soft. My mother left her songs with me so I can sing them to my baby. She also left a mark I have to accept, like the ones on my ceiling.
My husband wants to hire a contractor to patch the hole and repaint the bathroom ceiling white again. But I know there is no complete fix. You can't get a hole to look new again. That area will always be a little different from the rest of our smooth, white ceiling.
And even if no on else notices, I know I always will. Those patch marks will make me think of our past, of the tears and laughter and they will remind me that this was the place where, finally, I began to heal. ]

....So many things she wrote that mirrored my experience, that it brought tears to my eyes while reading. Definitely could not have written it any better.

What's your prayer life like?

2010-05-10T11:48:00.000-04:00

Be unceasing in prayer [praying perseveringly] (1 Thessalonians 5:17 AMP).

For the child of God, prayer is a compulsory spiritual activity. We discover many times from the scriptures

that the Lord Jesus separated Himself from the people to pray. He also used several parables to teach on

prayer. For example, Luke 18:1-8, where He emphasized that men ought always to pray and not to give up.

Throughout the scriptures, much emphasis is placed on the importance of prayer in the life of the Christian.

Every time you pray, you're actually mounting pressure on the adversary. Too often, many wait until the

pressure comes to them before they pray. I discovered that the reason some Christians go through terrible

ordeals in their lives is that they don't set themselves to pray early enough. You don't have to wait until the

devil meets you on your dinner table before you deal with him. Counter his advances ever before he gets to

your doorstep.

The challenge with some people is that they're too lazy to pray. A man ran into church crying hysterically

for help. "Please pray for my wife," he said, "she's in the labour ward!" He had nine months to pray but he

didn't pray. Now he wants emergency prayers. This is why many go around looking for "success formulas,"

"healing formulas" and several other "instant" formulas. It's like the student who had five months to prepare

for his exams but failed to prepare. Then, on the night before his exams he began praying to God for help.

We're living in an age where everybody wants everything fast. There are fast-foods, fast-cars, jet planes, super-computers and so on. Now, we want to put God into the same fast-lane and so we inadvertently pray 'fast prayers' for quick results. All we want to know is how to push some buttons and have God respond

quickly. That's wrong! Get serious with your prayer life today and make the right changes for your spiritual

development.

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the revelation of your Word that gives me wisdom and

understanding! Now I know that as I apply myself to consistent prayer, I'm mounting pressure on the devil

and frustrating his manoeuvres. I dominate all contrary circumstances or situations, winning victoriously

and triumphantly in every area of my life today in the Name of Jesus. Amen.

I'm not going to try to cover up, but often times I am lazy to pray and find myself in situations that could be avoided. Here's to being diligent in my prayer life! :)

Manipulation: Even the animals know how to use it!

2010-05-07T11:34:00.000-04:00

Here's something interesting:

" It is very difficult to explain what it is and what triggers it/. However, we learn it from a very early age, and unless we learn how to walk in emotional stability and accept who we are in Christ, we will allow it to rule our minds. It is manipulation. One of the definitions of manipulation is to use 'shrewd or devious management, especially for one's own advantage.' Anyone who has children knows that manipulation is a common element in a personality of a child, some more than others.

When a child does not get his or her way, often manipulation begins. Immediately the huge crocodile tears begin, with a quivering lip and the words, "You don't love me, you hate me." Then they run to the bedroom and slam the door, hoping you will have compassion on them and change your mind. If a parent gives in to the manipulation of their emotions by a child, then the child will continue to use this method to get their way. But it's not just children.

Delilah used this method to vex Samson into telling her what she wanted to know, which was the secret of his strength (Judges 16:6). After pressing Samson to reveal his secret, she finally said to him, "how can you say, 'I love you' when your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and have not told me where your great strength lies." After she pestered him daily with her words and pressed him, so that his soul was vexed to death, he told her all his hear (Judges 16:15-17). poor Samson was in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong person. The old cliche "You don't really love me," was too much for him. Many times young men will pressure young women into having a physical relationship with them by manipulating their emotions and saying, "If you really love me, you will let me do what I want to." The response should be, "If you love me, you will respect me and not ask me to do what I don't want to do."

Manipulation is a powerful tool and can become a weapon in the sense that it can control a person. Often the root of manipulation is insecurity and jealousy. A manipulator sees the ability to control a person as a power and influence, but it is perverted power.

Even certain animals seem to understand this. We have two cats and a bird. At times both cats sneak into Perry's office to sit and look at the bird. We know the cats are there as the bird begins to chirp away. Perry goes into the office, removes the cats and settles little Blueberry down. However, Perry noticed at times the bird will start chirping wildly like he's in trouble, sending Perry to the office with no cats in sight! After a few weeks, Perry realized the bird was not feeling threatened or intimidated but had learned to use the radical whistle to draw Perry into the office. Perry often takes the bird out of the cage and lets him hang out in the office. The bird has learned how to get his attention, even when there are no cats in the room!

There is a fine line between helping a person in need and being manipulated into action. If a person you know is a master of manipulation, you need to understand this weakness and confront it in love. Many times a manipulator needs spiritual and emotional healing that can only come from good counsel in the Word and the Holy Spirit.

Written by: Pamela Stone, Voice of Evangelism

Doctors office

2010-04-29T10:02:00.000-04:00

The hubby is sick AGAIN. Throat infection of some sort. He just
finished his last prescription of antibiotics not even two weeks ago,
and here we are at the doctors office - for the same diagnoses: tonsil
issues. Requesting that Jeff sees a ears nose throat specialist
because in the last 12 months he's had 6-8 tonsil infections and way
too many prescriptions for antibiotics. Crazy.

Here's a picture of joesphs castle while waiting for the doctor. It
reminds me of the castle in lord of the rings - helms deep. Lol.

Happy 9months Juliana Grace!

2010-04-27T18:53:00.000-04:00

Juliana is 9 months old today. She is one happy baby, except when her
teeth is trying to burst through those sensitive gums of hers. She
has mastered the art crawling and finds it hilarious when she is
actually crawling - she laughs and chuckles like a big kid. She has
started on her solids. Her first meal of congee and apparently really
enjoyed it. Now that she is crawling and has discovered eating, she's
eating every tiny little thing she comes across while crawling. So
guess who's vaccuming every other second?!

She really has grown up a lot and everytime I think about it, I can
believe how nine months has gone by so quickly. I feel like it was
just yesterday I squeezed her out!

In a few weeks it will be our annual APC picnic and I remember I was
preggo with Juliana and how much fun it was! Wow. Time really flies.

We recently bought a new camera. Our old one has died and it was
definitely time to replace it. It has served us well though. We
captured all the precious moments of Joseph and Jennifer growing up
from baby til now. It's only fair that Jules gets the same coverage of
precious moments growing up.

Well happy 9 months Juliana! And happy anniversary to the love of my
life <3

Jules the super teether

2010-04-23T12:55:00.000-04:00

Just noticed this morning Jules now has a total of 8teeth. Last week
her bottom tooth beside the two front ones has broken through the
gums. This morning the one on the other side of front teeth has broken
through as well. There's a speck of blood there, tried to capture it
with the iPhone phone cam but to no success. Can't wait to get a new
camera. Totally missing out on precious footage of Jules
developemental stages.

the most rewarding workout

2010-04-23T12:06:00.000-04:00

Last night, i decided before going to bed that I was going to wake up with a spring in my step and get things done around the house. I've been wanting to re-arrange the kids room and put things in different places in their room. There's our queen size boxspring that has taken up refuge in the kids room which we have been meaning to get rid of, but have had no luck since we don't have a truck/van to transport it to the depot. The older kids have been messing up their drawers, esp Jen having a fashion show everyday (i definitely think the fashion gene comes from her fav. auntie lisa) and i swear her drawers needs to have locks on them for MY sanity. I also have been meaning to mope the ever so sticky floor for the last two weeks (yes it has been two weeks since i last moped my floors. how embarassing) and finally do the 10hundred loads of laundry that has been sitting in the hampers.

Like promised, I woke up with a spring in my step this morning although I barely got 7hours of sleep. Got Joseph ready for school and dropped him off. While pulling into the garage, i saw all my neighbours with tons of garbage in their laneway, it is garbage day but it was ridiculous amounts of garbage. Thinking it might be no tag day, i approached the garbage truck driver to find out if they'll take my box spring. Happy to find out that they take ANYTHING today, i quickly ran into the house and hauled the beast of a box spring out to the lane way. I cannot tell you how pleased I am with myself.! :)

Came back in, ate my left over sub from last night (breakfast for champs) then loaded the dishes, and one of the 10hundred loads of laundry. While waiting for laundry, vaccumed and moped. Got the sheets changed in the kids room, vaccumed their room, put away blankets and now its spotless! woohhoo!

im so sore, but so worth it!! Thank God its Friday!!!!!!!!! :)

Do we forget too soon?

2010-04-19T23:14:00.001-04:00

Happy to say that it's a brand new week and things have slightly gone
back to normal. By normal I mean the: going to bed super early,
waking up super early for work, dropping JJ to school, daily stuff
around the house, making meals etc.

The past week has been one I cannot begin to explain the craziness of.
From learning the news of a death in the family, to laying him to
rest has been one heck of an emotional rollercoaster. Now that it's
settled And a brand new week awaits, I can't help but feel sometimes
we as busy human beings forget too soon. Busy work weeks, with
bereavement leave of generous employers being 3days and The less
generous ones being 1day if lucky, how are people supposed to take
time to really grieve and go through the emotions of loosing a dear
loved one?

I'm so grateful that Jeff has a somewhat generous employer in this
particular circumstance in Which he was able to have three days to
mourn the loss of his favourite uncle. It makes a world of a
difference not having to stress and worry about work and just being
able to be with family during difficult times like such.

On a happier note, there's no more pain and suffering for dear Michael
uncle, but instead he awaits with our dear Lord Jesus and we will meet
again.

Sent from my iPhone

The dreaded phone call

2010-04-10T16:54:00.001-04:00

This morning, we got the phone call from my mother in law that jeffs
favourite uncle had passed away last night at the hospital approx
310am. All by himself.

I felt that familiar sensation of my heart dropping. I hate that
feeling. It brings me back to that same day that I would like to
revisit but at the same time not.

We saw him earlier in the week, after being notified that he's not
doing so well. I'm glad we got to see him one last time before he left.

I'm not sure how to even start to explain what I am feeling.

I will post later. I need a minute.

Sent from my iPhone

Kids say the darnest things:

2010-04-09T09:55:00.000-04:00

At dinner @ montanas, and Jen finishes her dinner so nicely:

Me & Jeff: Jennifer, you're such a good girl!

JJ: And I'm such a Handsome BOY!

Jules first Easter

2010-04-05T09:48:00.001-04:00

Being Raised in a non believing home, Easter for my sister and I meant
An extra long weekend. Now that I have my own little family and
raising our children in faith, Easter weekend is not only an extra
long weekend, but one with so much more meaning and celebration.

Jules celebrated her first Easter at APC, watching the awesome APC who
put together a fantastic presentation of Jesus and his final days and
moments before being cruicified (she fell asleep half way in). We
attended APCs annual Easter banquet which always seems to be awesome!
I cannot believe the amount of work our church family does to put
together such a wonderful event for our children. It was truly amazing.

Easter Sunday is usually reserved for in law festivities, which
included a mini Easter egg hunt and dinner with relatives. I say mini
egg hunt because there's usually just 3 kids at this event, our two
eldest and mark (jeff's nephew or is it second cousin?).

This year dinner was a bit quiet, surprisingly since it was only a few
of jeffs aunts and no other extended family who came. It was such nice
weather we were able to set up the jumpy castle in their backyard and
let the kids bounce their energy out after consuming their Easter
loot. ;)

I'm not sure if Jules even knew the difference that Easter weekend was
upon her, but the important thing is we knew and as they continue to
grow and understand Easter weekend our hope is that they will
appreciate what God our father did.

Sent from my iPhone

JJ's graduation pictures

2010-03-25T16:34:00.000-04:00

So that time has come, JJ will be graduating fro
senior kindergarten this June. Here are his grad pix that we get to
choose from. It's quite a decision to make since it's also quite the
milestone. :). I really like the last two as it is different from all
the regular poses they make them do for regular school pictures. I'm
leaning more for number four because of his smile and the whole
scholar pose. It's very cute. I have less than 24 hrs to decide cuz I
gotta submit the order for tmrw. Any suggestions?

Rejected

2010-03-22T21:49:00.000-04:00

Today I got the much dreaded rejection letter from Air Canada. Yup.
The generic one that basically says I'm just not good enough for them.
Well guess what?! I AM good enough! Just that the timing is not right.
So what did I do shortly receiving the dreaded email? I went to the
company website and applied to all their ground crew positions! Take
THAT AIr Canada!! Okay so I was a tiny bit disappointed since I went
through all that jazz for the multiple interviews and the trek
downtown not to mention the $20 parking I had to pay everytime I went
back. But I took a deep breathe, read the email one more time and
digested it, prayed about it and concluded: GOD knows best. He has a
greater plan for me and my family and currently becoming a flight
attendant is not part of the big picture.

I'm okay. ;) thanks for all the kind words!

Sent from my iPhone

Spring is here!!

2010-03-17T01:03:00.001-04:00

Today was an awesome day! The weather went to double digits and was
super sunny! I have been going out with the kids a little bit more
now that the weather has warmed up. March break also started for
Joseph. I had two days away from the older two thanks to awesome in
laws who took them yesterday and today for some shopping and eating
out. I had the opportunity to run a few of my own errands.

Now that the weather has started to warm up, I'm a little bit
motivated to work out. I didnt start working out til two yrs after Jen
was born. What a difference it makes. I am determined to trim down
some of this left over baby wieght! So today I went and bought two
4lbs weights just to start off to work out my flabby arms. ;). I'm
quite sore and can really feel the burn. I'm also keeping track of how
many sets of thingys I'm doing so I can stay consistent and see some
results. Will keep posted on my progress as I go along. I'm hoping to
tighten my arms by next week. I'm also trying out this acu hoola hoop
my sister has. It hurts cuz it's a 4lb studded hoola hoop, but hey no
pain no gain. Let's hope it doesn't bruise THAT much!! :)

Today I was able to put Jules in her stroller and take her for a walk
around the neighvourhood. It was awesome. Can't wait to hang out
outside tmrw with the kids. :) hope it will be even warmer than
today! I'm hoping Joseph gets over this slight cough he has and it
doesn't progress and worse or that would suck no matter how nice the
weather is outside, he won't be able to enjoy it. Good night!

7&1/2 months

2010-03-17T00:52:00.001-04:00

Jules will be 8 months in less than two wks! As you can see from the
pic, she quite the active one. She's already trying to pull herself up
with furniture! And her fifth teeth has finally showed through!
Growing up fast our little jewel! :)

Over due

2010-03-08T23:33:00.001-05:00

> Finally a quiet moment to update. I should have updated this last wk
> after my Air Canada interview but was too overwhelmed and tired so
> it was put off. It was quite the experience but I wasn't as nervous
> as I thought I would be.
>
> I did research on the type of things to expect at a secon interview
> so I guess I was a little prepared. I would like to think and hope
> I did well but will only find out in two go three weeks. So
> hopefully I wil get a positive reply from them! :)
>
> I di notice that there were not as many people there as the open
> house and I'm pretty sure they weeded a lot of people out after the
> first interview. I heard that the open house had about 5000 people
> and they only selected 450 out of that!! Needless to say I'm
> extremely happy I made it to the second interview. Now it's all
> about the waiting game and praying my resume/application is one that
> sticks out the most to whoever is going through these applications!!
> Exciting and nerve wracking to have to wait a few wks before we know
> who's selected for training!! They said that even those who are not
> selected will be notified which is good so no one is waiting and not
> getting a direct reply.
>
> It's also nerve wracking since I've read on forums that if one was
> booked a medical test right after the second interview it means they
> are almost guaranteed to go onto training!!! So I'm nervous because
> none of is got that step! The only thing keeping me hopeful is they
> told us they will be sendingthe applications to montral foe the
> final selection. I am SO praying hard and keeping my fingers crossed
> for this one!!!
>
>

GOLD!

2010-03-01T09:36:00.000-05:00

I think I mentioned in the last post, Jeff and I don't watch Olympics. It's boring, and time consuming and just silly that the countries all around the world would compete for some medal, which sits and collects dust over time. WRONG! I have never love any tv programming like this!! I watched every single day of the olympics and LOVED IT!!! I can now say I have Olympic Games withdrawal. THe only thing I can be happy about is there will be the Paralympic Games! I can't wait to watch that now that the games are over. LOL.

Busy Busy Bee

2010-02-25T08:43:00.000-05:00

It has been 4 wks since I last blogged. I have been terrible with juggling blogging, motherhood, work, and the normal, insanities of life (what an oxymoron that is). Well, it is usually quite busy during CHinese New year, as there are many family dinners, friend get togethers and Jeff's annual lion dance performances. This year was particularly crazy because it all landed on a weekend, with a few other holidays to be celebrated, Family Day & Vday. This year, we celebrated family day instead of Vday. IT was a fabulous weekend, hectic - but fabulous! We celebrated with church fam, our fam, extended fam, and lion dance fam. :)

The same night we had church fam over, it was the same night as the Olympics Opening ceremony. JEff and I never watch the olympics - it's boring. Well, news to us it's NOT boring but THE most exciting programming EVER! We have been watching it EVERY day/night/second we can and we are now hooked onto the Hockey Tourney! WE are PROUD Canadians!! LOL
Although I'm not sure the kids can say the same, as they want to watch Treehouse whenever they can, and we just aren't catering to their television needs! ;)

Our fab weekend continued on as Jeff performed at Markville & Oriental Mall and like usual, the proud wife that I am, goes to stalk the performers and become the papparazzi of lion dance. JJ & Jen really enjoyed it since they got to get extra close to the monsterous size of the lion heads :)

In between all that, Jeff also helped his cousin move. Moving is probably the most anal thing in the world if it's not organized. We experienced it first hand when we had our first move, and that was hell. Note to self: PACK everything in BOXES when moving. LOL.
Probably one of the most busiest and hectic weekends of our life, but definitely one of the most enjoyable ones.

Jeff purposely took two extra days off to accommodate the insanity of that weekend. Totally needed for him to re-charge after the energy filled weekend.

It will be two days and Jules turns 7months. I cannot believe 7 months has flown by. Jules has now 4teeth, and talking like she's 2yr old. She can fully sit up by herself and is trying to crawl, army style. It's cute and frustrating at times because she kinda gets stuck while trying to get from sitting to being on her tummy. *sigh* life of a baby, if only that were the only issue we have as adults.

Couple weeks ago, I applied to Air Canada as flight attendant. I received an email that they were going to have an open house/interview in the coming weeks. Well I went to that on Sunday. Bright and early, well not early enough apparently. We got there an hour early (it was 10-4) already there was a massive line up outside the conference room, not too bad, but still a line up. Fine, it was definitely worth the wait. We had to fill out our application while waiting in line, within 10 minutes of waiting outside the conf. room, we were led inside the room. To our surprise there was ANOTHER massive group INSIDE that conf. room waiting. At that point, I was pretty thankful that we had gotten there an hour early and had listened to Gabbi on going early. Apparently ppl were already lined up before 8am!!!! INSANE! Picture a giant sale on rice, and all the asian people lined up for it before dawn. yup. that was the picture, or it was getting there.

We got there at 9am, we left at 12:30pm. Not bad for an openhouse expecting thousands of people! I went back Monday for the language test and now have a second interview next week! Very Very pleased and excited!! I later found out that a friend of Jeff's went on the monday, she got there at 745pm (it was held frm 2-8pm on monday) and she waited til 3AM for an interview!!!!!! 3AM!!!! what were they thinking!!?? but she got her interview at 3am! Ya, so i'm pretty glad we went early!! :)

So now, i gotta prepare for the second interview and get all my stuff together. ;)

Happy 6 Months Juliana!

2010-01-27T17:07:00.001-05:00

Today, our precious Juliana turns 6 months old. Wow, I cannot believe time has gone by SOOO quickly! In another blink of an eye, we'll have to start planning her 1st birthday party!

Some updates on her physical development:

- she has four teeth already
- she is very very smiley, if someone looks at her, she will have a huge smile or even chuckle especially if it's her big brother
- she can recognize lots of people, she's actually pretty scared of our friend Ed (auntie EDWINA) which I think it's all the bald head issue that scares her LOL
- she enjoys her tummy time and can turn 360 after probably 15-20 minutes of being on her tummy
- she will reach out her arms while sitting on her throne (bumbo) when I'm nearing her to pick her up
- she is sleeping amazingly well...only sleep nurses, and can sleep 10-12 hrs straight! :)
- she talks WAYYY too much for a 6month old, very very vocal especially if there is praise and worship music playing
- she can hold onto her pacifier with her mouth steadily

I saw a friend at church who just had her 6th baby, and he is now 6 wks old. I told her I do not miss that stage one bit! I REALLY DON'T! I can honestly say, I AM DONE with being pregnant and having babies! I am finally over the hump of the sleepless nights, colicky baby etc. Now, I just have to wait til Jules can walk, and talk and do her own thing. Don't get me wrong, I totally enjoy her being small, but kids are so much more fun and entertaining when they are mobile, and can express their feelings without us parents having to guess why they are crying unconsolably for 20 minutes!!!!!!! ;)

That is all..that's the update for today.

My Diet

2010-01-26T14:07:00.001-05:00

I have been Bubble Tea free for over 3 weeks! I do not crave bubble tea, although I still drink regular tea. Okay, I think Ishould rephrase it, I am TAPIOCA free!! yes, those little black balls were a terrible addiction for me. It's equivalent to crack addition for me. I had to have it at least ONCE a day. Now, I am pleased to announce I DO NOT crave it AT ALL!!

All thanks to this article I read:

Bubble teas pose potential health threat

POPULAR bubble tea could be dangerous to your health as cheap raw materials - milk powder, starch balls and sweeteners - used by some vendors may contain banned food additives including poisonous plastic and arsenic, industry insiders told today's Shanghai Evening News.The milk powder makes the tea smell better than fresh milk and the starch balls are to make the drinks more fun, a milk tea vendor told the newspaper.The milk powder smells better because they add a chemical called vegetable cream powder, which could contain poisonous arsenic, the vendor said. Consumption of the cream powder over a long period could increase the danger of developing cardiovascular diseases and cancer as well as affect brain development in toddlers, the report said.Shanghai food and drug officials said most food additives in Shanghai are safe to consume. But they told the newspaper it was probable that some vendors use low quality additives to increase profits. Since there is no rule or state standards for bubble tea in China, the officials could only apply normal food product standards on the tea products.The major ingredient of the milk powder is also a trans fat, the vendor said. Daily consumption of 500 milliliters of milk tea with this trans fat could exceed the health limit and long time consumption of the tea could lead to cardiovascular diseases, the vendor added.The starch balls are also harmful to health, according to the vendor.
Although starch is claimed to be the main ingredient suppliers add wheat gluten, a plastic, to make the balls chewier. Plastic is a banned food additive.The sweetener is no better, according to the vendor.It is added with chemicals such as sodium sulfate, which is used as a washing powder and banned as a food additive. Long time consumption of the chemicals could be poisonous.At a wholesale market on Renmin Road, industry insiders told the newspaper that the teas using cheap raw materials could only cost 0.5 yuan (7.3 US cents) a cup to make. The tea sells for 3 yuan to 6 yuan across the city.The best-selling milk powder sells for 200 yuan per 50 kilograms in the market, which can be used to make 400 cups of tea, according to wholesalers.The starch balls sell for 10 yuan per 2 kilograms, capable of making 100 cups of tea.

Air Canada

2010-01-25T13:55:00.000-05:00

I applied to Air Canada over the weekend. I'm very excited. I'm now in the process of getting my passport. Exciting! :)

Now, lets just pray that they call me AFTER I receive my passport! :D

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-21T11:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I am about 21 days late, but it is still considered a NEW Year, and also my First Post of 2010. I have really been putting off my blog lately, mainly because I have been swamped with a lot of stuff on my plate. By stuff, I mean I'm back to work and along with that the emotions of going back to work, JJ back to school, Jen growing up too fast & Jules having four teeth before she's even 6 months old. Yup, that's what I've been swamped with. Oh, and throw in my sister's 6 accident in 3 yrs of her driving. S.W.A.M.P.E.D.

The New Year started off...Bland I guess I would put it. Last year, for new years we decided to join our church family at APC. It was fantastic. LOVED IT. There was such a presence of God and awesomeness being at APC worshiping and counting down to 2009. It was different, and I truly enjoyed it. I thought we would do it again this year, but we have been SO busy the wks leading up to it (helping my sis in law move, birthdays, Christmas gatherings), that we couldn't bear another hectic evening. So, we stayed in. We invited my cousins and my in laws and hung out, made quesidillas for dinner, played poker and just totally vegged. It was awesome company, but it was...bland. We counted down with the TV, which was kinda lame this year because CityTV just randomly started counting and before we even clued in, it was 'HAPPY NEW YEAR'. By the end of the night, Jeff's Strep throat started to surface. I am totally convinced that ROGERS CABLE is not only the worse service provider in the universe, but also the biggest STREP THROAT carrier in their call centers. Jeff gets strep throat on average, 6 times a year! Isn't that a bit much!? Yup, so Jeff started off his new years with ANTIBIOTICS. But Praise God, it coulda been a LOT worse...IE: having his tonsils drained like in 2009.

We celebrated Jeff's 26th birthday this year, at home. I think we've decided to have parties at home now because of the convenience of it all especially with 3 kids. Jeff had a blast, he got a super nerf gun for his birthday from his cousin. Should have been my face when he opened his gift. It's pretty insane.

After Jeff's birthday celebration, I went back to work the following Monday. On a part time, possibly just temporary basis. Having said that, I had to make arrangements for the babies. Thankfully, Jeff's aunt is willing to watch them, also on a temporary basis. I am so thankful that we have that kind of help, and that is something no money can buy. Jules has been very good being away from me. Thank God for creating the breastpump! She has two complete teeth showing on the bottom and two others on top slowly surfacing. She's turning 6 months next week!

Sometime this month, I have to get myself together and go register Jennifer for J/K. I am still deciding if we should keep the kids at the current school, or move them somewhere in our neighbourhood and let them ride the school bus. Currently JJ is at a school about 7minute drive away. That will be something I have to think long and hard for, considering when the weather is bad, I will need to drive more than 7 minutes to get them to school on time. I cannot believe Jennifer will start school this year. She really is growing up too fast, and I feel we totally missed out on her baby stages...she's 3 1/2 yrs old, but she acts like she's 6. I think Girls mature way too quickly for their own good, just take a look at Jules! LOL :)

Back to work I go. Update as often as I can! toodles!

Holiday update

2009-12-31T00:09:00.000-05:00

> I haven't updated my blog in almost six wks, or had it been more
> than that? I forget. It has been a very very busy and interesting
> six wks that has past. I will try to document everything I can
> remember since my last post.
>
> I celebrated my 25th birthday with my closest friends and family at
> home. We organized a pizzza, wings and spring roll night. All
> possible with a deep fryer I got formy birthday from the awesome
> hubby! Btw you know you're getting old when you start wishing for
> kitchen appliances for birthdays/Xmas. Lol. I wasn't expecting amy
> gifts from anyone but I did get a gift card to bath and body works,
> cozy sweatpants and nailpolish; that was pretty sweet!
>
> My birthday this yr marked quite a few milestones other than my
> quarter century. Juliana turned four months, my sis in law bought
> her first property; making her a proud homeowner, and most
> importantly, it marks my first mortgage deal! Which closed ever so
> smoothly on December 23rd! (Praise God!!)
> See how busy I have been? :P
>
> We also celebrated JJs champaign birthday, he turned five on the
> fifth of december. That was lots of fun for the kids running wild at
> woody wood chucks. I still cannot believe he is five now. I
> distinctly remember the day I went into labour; the pain, the pain,
> and more pain. Lol. I went to the hospital on flipflops (yes it was
> December 4th and I was still wearing flipflops) and the day I came
> out of the hospital was the first snowstorm of 2004 and I walked in
> snow up to my ankles in flipflops!!! Insane! Time really has flown
> by! He will be graduating sk in a few months!! Now that's insane! Lol.
>
> In the last few wks among all that chaos, we got to hang our with
> our church family friends, Steve and gabbi. It has been awesome
> being able to have such great times with church friends. Yes, I have
> been secretly longing to befriend ppl at church and have a lasting
> friendship that will stay and grow as we grow. I think God read my
> mind. :) i think my new yrs res will be to become more involved
> with church events; to get to know more of the church family. Last
> yr I really enjoyed helping out with wrapping the gifts for the
> baskets, and got to know a few ladies that were there and it was
> awesome! Can't wait for next yr!
>
> Somewhere in between all that, we got our family picture taken. It
> was quick and incredibly well done! I love how all the pix came out
> and so does everyone else! We also picked it up right before
> christmas!! ;) awesome timing!
>
> This last wk has probably been the most hectic out of the whole six
> wks! With all the mortgage paperwork successfully completed and
> approved; the part came to helping my sis in law pack. She got her
> keys; which then comes the part to clean her place, then painted it,
> and finally was ready to move her in! Pretty crazy wk, we haven't
> been home since Xmas eve, we stayed over at my inlaws for almost a
> wk!! That's how crazy things were! Now things are finally settling. ;)
>
> Tmrw us new yrs eve, and I cannot wait for 2010 because I know it
> will be better than 2009, and 2009 was awesome!!!! :)
>
> Hope you enjoyed that update because my next post will be in 2010!!!
> Good night!

Holiday update

2009-12-31T00:02:00.000-05:00

Happy 48th birthday

2009-11-19T00:33:00.000-05:00

Today my mom would have turned 48years old. She would not look as
though she was 48 though, it's the asian gene we possess which creates
the illusion of youth. I have to say, I almost forgot that her
birthday was approaching until I looked at the phone and saw that
today was already the 18th. I have been so occupied with every day
things that the days and nights all seem to jumble up with no clear
distinguishable time.
I often think about what birthdays are like in heaven. Do ppl all
gather around and sing happy birthday to everyone who's birthday are
the same? Do we get to eat cake? Hehe what about gifts? :). Whatever
they do, it must be amazing, afterall they get to spend it with our
Lord. :). So happy birthday mommy, and I hope it's an awesome 48th
birthday for you.

As I was writing this post, I had posted on Twitter a special bday
shout for mom, and as I was writing this my SIL sent me a tweet in
hopes tk cheer me up. She reminded me that I do have a second mom - my
MIL. I am so thankful that I do have her as a second mom, and truly
though she's more like my first mom than anything! She really has been
there from the very beginning...almost a bridge from the time my mom
went to be with the Lord. She has truly been a blessing in my
life...it took some time to see the blessing in disguise, but disguise
no more! Lol. So may God bless both my moms on this day! :).

A touching story from The Star....try not to cry!

2009-11-05T10:43:00.000-05:00

From the moment she first picked up a crayon, Elena Desserich loved to draw. Even as a preschooler, her favourite gifts were pastels, markers and blank notebooks.

So it wasn't unusual for Keith and Brooke Desserich to find their little girl's trademark purple hearts and "I love you" notes on scraps of paper and stray envelopes all over their suburban Cincinnati home.

But it wasn't until weeks after their 6-year-old died of cancer that they realized she had left hundreds of messages planted in nooks and crannies for her parents and little sister, Grace, to stumble upon after she was gone.

Each one they find – tucked into bookshelves, dishes in the china cabinet, corners of dresser drawers, bags of stored clothing – is like she's sending "a little hug," say her mom and dad.

"She's giving us a little message saying that everything's going to be all right," Keith said in a phone interview Wednesday.

Elena was only 5 years old when doctors diagnosed pediatric brain cancer. They said she had 4 1/2 months to live. But she made it to almost nine months.

Her parents didn't tell her the prognosis; in retrospect they say she must have somehow known as her small body started to fail her.

Since her death more than two years ago, the discoveries of what she left behind have grown fewer and further between. There was nothing for six months. And then last week, there she was again, inside a Strawberry Shortcake notebook in the back of the cupboard tucked behind the game of Candyland.

"I love you Mom, Dad and Grace," she had written inside a heart with arrows.

Keith doesn't remember the first one she left because for awhile, he and Brooke thought her notes were part of the daily household clutter that had accumulated over the years.

"But after you get to 20 or 30 you realize this isn't just scraps," he says. "We don't even know when her notes started. We have three Rubbermaid boxes full." There could be 300, they haven't counted.

Elena left them for her grandmother too, and even a great-aunt's Chihuahua she adored, who stood guard at her bedside until the end.

While they offer a powerful source of comfort to those who adored her, Elena's family believes they contain a universal message too: cherish the small moments in life; be present for those you love.

The girl with a ladylike fondness for headbands, tights with polka dots and anything lacy or pink was also "a wise soul," says her dad.

"She found grace even in the smallest details."

Her parents hope to carry her message and her example in their newly-published book Notes Left Behind, a series of their journal entries during Elena's last months, written for her sister, along with samples of her messages and artwork.

Proceeds go to the research foundation the Desserichs created called The Cure Starts Now Foundation (www.thecurestartsnow.org).

Keith doesn't know how many bits of paper are still waiting to be found. Each new one is wrenching, but at the same time he never wants them to end.

That's why one letter he found in an envelope inside his briefcase still remains sealed. So too does another that had been slipped into Brooke's backpack.

Keith doesn't believe he'll ever open it, even though to him, this letter is the most important one.

"There's something wonderful about knowing there's always one more message from Elena."

Another busy weekend!

2009-11-02T09:30:00.001-05:00

Our weekend started off on thursday because we went shopping thursday evening and also had dinner at the in laws :) My wonderful cousin sent me a coupon from Oprah's show - 50% off everything at payless!!!!! :) I wasn't that excited when she sent it to me because I had been forbidden to buy any more shoes/boots by Jeff. I must admit, I have more shoes/boots than my feet can ever wear....but how can anyone resist good looking./goodpriced shoes?!! Anyway, when she sent me the coupon it was just after 1pm, jeff still at work I asked if he wanted to check it out seeing it's 50% off and they may have something for him since he's been looking for a new pair of shoes. He wasn't really that excited about it...but agreed to meet us there.

We got there, and the first thing I check are the selections they had for sizes 9 & up..(my feet grew after every pregnancy..im now a size 10..if i'm lucky i can squeeze into a size 9&half) ..not much of a selection really though. I saw the Airwalk Uggs lookalike, and thought it was pretty nice..it was a decent price..but figured Jeff probably would tell me I have too many boots. LOL. I did however pick up two wristlets for $5 each, a big bag..(which is gonna be my diaper bag) for 9.50. and a pair of Champions runners for $7.50. I didn't think at all to look at kids stuff since the kids weren't with us, but we looked anyway, and got some awesome deals. We got Jen a pair of zip-up disney princess boots for $10, matching hat & glove set for $6.50, & a dora backpack for $7. Got JJ some spiderman boots for $20 (not the greatest deal..but it made me feel better to know it was cheaper than walmart!) Buzz lightyear sneakers for $15 and matching hat& glove set for $6.50. Jeff didn't see anything since their store didn't have the greatest men's selection. Although he did pick up some insoles! ;) It was a great Thursday evening! We got all that for 109...we saved 122! :) :) :) Thanks OPRAH! haha :D

And then I got sick. Yup, I think JJ brought home some germs from school and got me sick. So we got sick..and then Jen got sick..and now Jules has a runny nose. We have the worse chest congestion ever! I cannot wait til we get better so we can indulge in our halloween treats!!!! haha Yes, we went trick-or-treating...which probably wasn't the greatest idea because I think I got sicker from it! But anyway it was Jules first halloween..not that she got any treats, but I did dress her up in her piglet pram suit. :) No one really saw her costume as she was all bundled in my carrier and was covered with a fleece blankie, but whatever, we celebrated her first halloween! :)

We also got Jeff's eye checked out this weekend, so he can get some new glasses - finally! :P Hung out at Costco for a bit and went to visit cindy at their new house in suaga :) It was definitely worth the drive to see her! We had dinner at swiss chalet, the all time fav family restuarant with most awsome ribs! :) IT was a very busy weekend, but fun filled (except the coughing out our lungs part) and I cannot wait til the weather warms up..and yes I know we JUSt headed into fall....but I'm LOOOOOONGING for spring & summer already!!!

Happy 3 months Jules!

2009-10-27T19:41:00.000-04:00

Today Jules turns 3 months old, and time had certainly flown by. I have been extremely busy these past few wks, so busy that I have barely blogged, although I do tweet - it's just quicker. LOL
October tends to be a busy month for us, well it starts usually last wk of september because we celebrate my brother in law's birthday, then Jen's birthday, Thanksgiving, my niece Joy's birthday the week after, then the week after is my nephew Marcus' birthday, and then Halloween being the last wk of October. Very busy and hectic month for us for sure!

Jennifer's birthday this year took place at woody wood chucks, something similar to chuck-e-cheese. I was very happy with the turnout, and I'm sure Jen was too. :) We decided to have her party on the Friday because it always falls on Thanksgiving weekend, and of course everyone has family dinners and all that fun stuff so it was perfect to have it on the friday so everyone still had the weekend to enjoy. We finally realize what Jen's 'thing' is - dress up. We got several gifts from friends that were princess-y with shoes and a big puffy dress and glass slipper look alikes - she absolutely adored them! she was beautiful in the dress up! :) I always thought girls are so hard to shop for..not anymore!

We had an awesome thanksgiving weekend, full of family, friends & shopping! :) And jeff didn't go back to work til wednesday, which was pretty cool because God knows he needed an extra day with family and rest! ;)

We celebrated Marcus' 3rd birthday on Sunday, and it was THE most hectic birthday party I have ever been to. Perhaps it's because we have 3 kids now, and travelling from place to place for a birthday party just sucks the life outta us, or maybe having a birthday party which required driving from one venue to another with 10 other toddler/children was not a well planned birthday party. The party (food/eating part) was held at Mcd's playplace, which is west of vaughan mills, and after that was the 'build a bear' part, which conveniently (or not) was at vaughan mills mall (sunday, massive amounts of ppl shopping & barely any parking). Anyway, lets just say we were pooped by the time the party ended. The children had fun..and all brought home a bear/animal. For anyone thinking of hosting a party at buildabear...I would recommend doing so for the age group of 5 and older!!!! LOL

On the other updates of Jules, she now has 5 teeth coming in! yes, you read correctly - that's FIVE whole teeth trying to come in ALL at the same time. At first we saw one..and thought oh okay, she's teething early..but further investigating showed us FOUR others hidden in other parts of her mouth! so can we say she's teething SUPER EARLY!? man...Jen & Joseph teethed early..but definitely NOT at 3 months! She's super cranky & super drooly! I guess she's pretty good considering she hasn't had any rashes or fever, and i'm hoping it stays that way :)

This weekend the kids will be going out for halloween..in our neighbourhood (known for crazy festive decorations) and they are super excited! We didn't buy anything fancy for their costumes, Jen really wants to wear Joseph's monkey costume from last year, and Joseph wants to be a ninja. I'm not sure if we'll be bringing Jules out if it's cold, plus we didn't really get her anything for it...no point in spending the $ for one night for a 3 month old anyway.

I'll post pictures of our nieghbourhood next weekend, and of course of the babies :) nice blog after a few wks! :)

I cannot believe it...

2009-09-29T17:35:00.000-04:00

Jules is sick! She is just like JJ. getting sick so soon!!! So she barely slept last night, because she can't breathe and can't nurse. Cannot believe such luck. :(
We are basically all sick you can say. Chest congestion - not fun! This weather change is not going well with Jules. I can't believe how quick the weather went from warm to cold! I feel it every day i take a nap. Time to take out the winter wardrobe! :(

Discipline - debatable.

2009-09-28T18:38:00.000-04:00

Spanking hurts — more than you think

Jesse McLean

STAFF REPORTER

Children who are spared a spanking grow up to have higher IQs than those who are physically disciplined, according to a study by one of North America's leading scholars on family violence.

Murray Straus examined the IQ scores of more than 1,500 children, divided in two groups – ages 2 to 4, and 5 to 9 – and compared them with IQ scores from four years later.

Straus found young children who had been slapped or spanked scored an average of five points lower on IQ tests than those who hadn't been hit. The discrepancy among the older age group was about 2.8 points.

"The bottom line is, kids need a lot of guidance and instruction. They just don't need to be hit," he said.

He presented his findings Friday at the International Conference on Violence, Abuse and Trauma in San Diego, Calif.

"This shows that spanking kids slows their development of mental ability," Straus, a professor at the University of New Hampshire's family research laboratory, said yesterday.

Straus, who co-authored the study with California-based professor Mallie Paschall, said being hit is a traumatic experience, causing stress that could disrupt cognitive skills and impede learning.

So, rather than spanking a child who has done something wrong, it would be better to tell him that what he did was wrong, Straus said.

"Corporal punishment impacts everything: self-esteem, intelligence, both emotional and intellectual," said Peter Dudding, executive director of the Child Welfare League of Canada.

The study defined corporal punishment as hitting a child at least three times a week with the intention of discipline, not injury.

The practice is criticized by the United Nations and banned in 24 nations across the world, including Sweden, New Zealand and Spain.

In Canada, however, a 2004 Supreme Court ruling upheld section 43 of the Criminal Code, allowing parents and caregivers to use reasonable force when disciplining a child no younger than 2.

Shortly after the court's decision, a Liberal Senator proposed a bill to prohibit corporal punishment, which passed its third reading in the Senate in June 2008. But the bill never became law because Parliament dissolved. "If you're over the age of 18 and I lay a hand on you, that's assault," Dudding said.

"But if you're younger than 18 – that's justifiable by our Criminal Code."

He said the new study adds to the arsenal of international research showing corporal punishment can have harmful lasting effects.

Straus said the study, which will be published in the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, shows evidence that younger children are more affected by being struck because "their brains are in a point of rapid development."

The study found a correlation between how often a child was hit and how slow his mental development was, even when Straus factored out other agents that could affect development, such as wealth and parents' level of education.

In his research, he also examined nearly 18,000 surveys from university students in 32 countries, including Canada.

He found, by and large, that in countries with high national-average IQs, spanking is not socially acceptable.

What's your take?

It ONLY took 8wks!

2009-09-22T01:06:00.000-04:00

Well, finally we got Jules to settle. I switched the type of bottle I originally tried to use on her (narrow nipple) and is now using the wide neck bottles (advent brand). What a relief, it works. It still takes a few minutes for her to latch on and realize that it's a bottle and that I'm feeding her from it, but she takes it! I've also started to supplement one of her meals; the 6pm one which i give her about 2oz of formula and she's good for a few hours. I've noticed that she's been behaving a lot better with the formula and with me pumping my milk into a bottle. Shes relatively happier bottled fed. I"m not sure if it's because she's actually drinking a lot more and I can measure how much she drinks to determine why she's fussing. Whatever it is, I'm definitely liking it better. She's sleeping better at night, since we started her last friday I've been able to sleep a lot better with her too. NO more late night waking up and consoling her endless cries for no apparent reason (well at least to me) and she's not gassy and the whole house is quieter. Of course she has her cries here and there if she wants to be held or rocked to sleep; but overall I can say I'm very happy with the switch to half bottle feeding and formula :)

So I was able to buy Jules' dress for the banquet this coming sunday. I cannot believe she's going to be 2 mths old already!! crazy! I'm finally feeling a lil bit back to normal - not complelely but the sleep is definitely helping. I keep telling Jeff I know why people do harmful things to their babies...it's because when a baby is unconsolable it gets SO frustrating that it can certainly lead anyone to do anything to get them to be quiet. Thank God we've found the solution to her fussy-ness!!! I'm looking at her right now and she's sleeping so sound and so pretty like a lil angel ;)

I'm ready to call it a night - it's 1am. I should sleep when she is! :)

Guess who's up at 3am?

2009-09-15T03:08:00.001-04:00

ME! After 5hrs of relentless walking/cradling/singing & praising she
finally falls asleep - with the awesome help of her new sucky!!! It
has been an on goig thing trying to teach her how to use this thing;
and it turns out we weren't usig one that suited her. Being a mother,
after 3 babies I've have now learned that it can get quite costly
trying to train them on nipples and pacifiers. Thank God I only had to
buy yep different kinds of suckys for her. This one in the picture
seems like it's now got a home! ;) I guess my relentless rocking/
cradling/praising & singing paid off since she now is able to use this
sucky. I really don't want her to start te habit of sucking her hands/
thumbs because tonight, she kept trying to put her hands in her mouth
after she's been fed! Now I don't hve to worry about the thumbs going
in the mouth! Although the thought of her teething crossed my mind.
Joseph and Jen were both early teethers, around months they would
start to teeth and by months they would have a couple of teeth
already! Jules is only 7wks, can it actually be possible that she
could be teething?! Gotta get that checked out.
Right now though, I'm off to bed, it's 3:10 am!! Aiya. Please let the
other two sleep in!!!!!

Just an update.

2009-09-13T23:30:00.000-04:00

It's been 7 wks since juliana's birth, and i cannot believe how time has gone by so quickly. It has been quite the roller coaster of a 7 wks. THe first couple of wks was okay, the baby was just settling in, until i realized that it became disasterous when i drank anything cold. When i say disasterous, I mean the she would cry nonstop. We tried everything to get her to stop crying, non stop rocking, cradling, walking - anything, you name it we tried but she just wouldn't stop crying. then we found out that it was because i drank cold water, juice and milk. i cut that out of my normal diet, and she was much better. Although within the last two wks it came back; or maybe it just never left who knows. I felt like it was going to send me over the deep end - verge of post partum because of the non stop crying and she was inconsolable; especially at night time. So today, we decided to see if there was anyting else out there which would help her with the gas perhaps colic besides the Ovol we were using (which barely did anything). We found THE cure...something called Colick, which they call gripe water. Man, it works wonders. I cannot believe i didn't use/buy it earlier. What a difference!!! after giving it to her, she slept for 4 hours straight!!!! I couldnt believe it - my life saver!! Needless to say, i'm one happy mommy today! :)

Joseph's first wk back at school, and amazingly it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was dreading school starting the whole month of August, esp since the birth of Juliana because it would mean I'd have to drag all three of them out to drop him to school. A million stressors were on my list; what if the weather's bad, how can i get them all ready and be on time, what if juliana is not co-operating...etc. To my relief, she's been pretty good, and been somewhat co-operating at the best she can. I'm so relieved that things are working out pretty well, even though i thought it would be disasterous with school starting. I'm very impressed that Joseph is behaving so well and not adding to my list of stress/worry. :) As for Jen, I never really had to worry about her...she's the middle child - always well behaved. :P hahhaha well for the most part. :)

It has been one very amazing weekend for me! Yesterday we attended our dear friends' wedding - which was beautiful. Brought tears to my eyes as I watched the ceremony! Everything was just spectacular from the church ceremony to the beautiful view at the reception - which was held at Canoe. :) We actually got lost trying to find the place after the church ceremony LOL. We ended up parking across from the TD center and walked across to the building. The reception was wonderful, I really enjoyed it and the company we had at the table was a lot of fun. JEff really enjoyed the view from the 54th floor...it was really beautiful :) We were pretty pooped by the end of the day, I laugh because we don't travel downtown so often, everytime we do it's like we just travelled across the province or something. LOL :D
Juliana was very well behaved for the most part of the day, but i think because i drank something cold at the reception, both her and I ended up staying up pretty late with me trying to console her aching tummy. :( we both finally went to bed, while daddy had a pajama party with the kids. It was pretty awsome and i think this will be a weekend thing for the 3 of them. Joseph is very excited about the whole thing :)

Today, was probalby the most enjoyable sundays after giving birth to Juliana. We didn't do much, we went to pick up some lasagna (on sale ;) ) and came home. I helped Vanessa with her homework since she needed to borrow our printer and we stayed home and hung out while Juliana slept for 4 hours straight. Okay, I farmvilled most of my day away while jeff played and napped with the kiddies. NOT the most exciting activities, but I felt so relaxed (juliana's cries stresses me out more than i realize) and just at peace that I actually had some time to myself to do what I love - Farmvill-ing on FB! Vanessa tells me I have no life...I have to agree...this is life with 3 babies. hahaha :)

Few things i'm relaly looking forward to in the next couple of wks..Juliana's one month banquet, where she will meet a lot of family which she has yet to meet, planning Jen's 3 birthday party (we have NO idea what we are doing - all she says is she wants a 'purple' birthday, ya okay, wahtever THAT means), and halloween is just right around the corner!! :P Jeff is already looking at xmas trees and decorations, yes he's the xmas fanatic in the family. Our xmas tree is up the day after Halloween. -.-

THis is probably the longest update I have mustered together since Juliana's birth. i feel like there are just too little hours in a day. that's it for now, hopefully I will have more opportunties to update and have time to myself like I do now. :)

Some Pictures I saw on someone's FB album of Margie & Matt's Wedding, we were sitting at the very back so we didn't even get a chance to take nice pictures of them :( but thankfully everyone else took awesome pictures..which I'm now posting here :)

The Beautiful Maid of Honor & bridesmaid (both sisters of Margie)

You May now kiss the bride :)

Leaving the Chapel - SO cute!

The view from the restaurant

THe Beautiful Bride & Groom - Matt & Margie :)

3 weeks have gone by..

2009-08-16T14:31:00.000-04:00

WOW, three wks have gone by already..just like that, our lil Juliana is three wks old (tmrw). I cannot believe time has gone by so fast. I finally got my lazy bum to the computer to register her birth online..and also applied for her SIN & child tax. I've been putting it off, but the deadline is 30days after birth...so i got on it.

I have been at home mostly with the baby, as the weather lately has been pretty unstable...super hot, and then a lil chilly...pretty unpredictable although the last few days has been super hot, so staying in doors with AC is most comfortable for both baby & I.

The older babies have been adjusting well i suppose, although they have beeen spending lots of days & nights at the in laws...and have been getting kinda outta hand..so they are now back home with us. It was quite a relief though for the last few wks to have time alone with the baby, and just catching on the much needed sleep. Juliana is overall a pretty good baby, although not as good as Jennifer. I find that Juliana is much like JJ, not as colicky as JJ but fusses more than Jennifer did. So i'm not getting as much sleep as i did with jennifer..so 8i'm doing all the catching up i can do..and having the kids away for a few days here and there for the last few weeks have done some wonders! :)

We are in the midst of planning her baptism and one month thingy...time is certinaly flying by!

Juliana's first day out.

2009-07-30T20:06:00.001-04:00

Here she is, all dressed up for her first outting; first to
grandparents house then to costco. Three days after birth and also my
first time out, it was a little overwhelming. I think the hot weather
didn't make it easy cuz it I felt like I was sweating buckets.

Juliana 3days old.

2009-07-30T20:02:00.000-04:00

Juliana 2days old

2009-07-30T19:58:00.001-04:00

She smiling after big brother JJ kissed her. ;)

Our new addition: Juliana Grace

2009-07-27T21:22:00.001-04:00

Born July 27th at 12:30pm weighting in at 6lbs 15oz.

This has got to be the fastest birth in record history! Active labour
was 3hours (from 4cm to 10cm), and from 10cm (full dialation) to
actual delivery - less than ONE minute!!!! Omygosh! I can't believe it
my self!!! Lol. So here's the new addition!! ;)

False Alarms

2009-07-16T09:31:00.001-04:00

Last friday evening, we had the luxury of going out to dinner with Sivan and Cindy (who just got back into town) and had an awesome time. WE ate 2 peking ducks and a whole lot of other dishes. We also went to bbt after shopping at walmart, which we hadn't done for a LONG time - and I love bbt!! :)

Throughout last week, I was telling myself and the baby not to come until after friday evening; where I could enjoy our planned dinner. So after all the festivities, we went home and put the kids to bed in their new bunk (which they slept wonderfully in, and now fully weaned off our bedroom!!) Before Jeff tucked them in he told Jennifer that she had to stay in her own bed now because 'mommy's going to have the baby'. I'm not sure if that was wise because at 5am, i was awakened by this strong contraction! I was so sure that was it, because it was so strong it woke me up from my sleep and kept me up trying to time the whole ordeal. I continued to time it which lasted about 6-7 hours - all to find out my cervix got a little excited and thought it wanted baby out, but not really. I was 3cm dialated, but that could hvae been for a week or it could have been since the 5am contraction. Talk about TEASE!!! LOL

SO since last friday/saturday AM, i've been feeling cramps/mild contractions here and there, and it's NOT fun at all!! I'm tempted to drop everything and run home at the slightest cramp/contraction but know it's not wise esp if i'm on shift to go home and find out it's just another false alarm. This baby is such a tease. Other then the false labour pains, I think i'm doing well :) Just can't wait for baby to come out, but all in God's timing.

Great Wolf Lodge Adventure

2009-07-08T09:29:00.000-04:00

I think this is one of our fav. places we've taken the kiddies. We had an amazing time, and definitely a new experience for all of us. It's the first time the kids slept over in a hotel, and also their first time at niagara falls. They really enjoyed themselves! THe water park wasn't as big as i thought it would have been. But other than that it was a pretty decent water park.

We left early sunday morning, and got to there around 11 ish. We actually went to the Canada 1 outlet first..just to check out the outlets. THere weren't a lot of good deals, but they did have a new Coach and Carters/Oshkosh outlet which opened up 3 months ago, and we found some good deals! :) THe coach outlet was where everyone spent their cash, as they had half the store at 50% off!! We were probably in there for a good hour or so...mainly deciding which ones to get. I wasn't planning on getting a bag, as it's not something that's affordable...even at 50%, it can get pricey. TO my surprise, my SIL and MIL got me one though! :) :):) it's a 'satchel' so we like to call it..haha it's a good size bag beause when the new baby comes, i'll have a diaper bag to carry around, and this new purse that i have is a smaller sized one, and fits my essentials. :) i was very happy needless to say, as it was quite unexpected!! My MIL got a bag herself..same one my SIL got..but very nice and stylish, a hobo style bag. here's a picture of my one..which Jeff is modeling so nicely...

perhaps he should go into modeling! ;)

After checking into the hotel, we headed inside the waterpark..and the kids went about onto the slides and wavepool. We spent approx 2 hours in the water park, and by then I was pooped, and already had enough of the water. We decided to head back to the room and change/shower and head out to dinner.

We decided to go to a stone bake pizzeria for dinner; it was very nice. We later walked down clifton hill which was a nice touristy street with quite a few wax muesuems. Some which freaked Jen out from a distant! We headed to the falls and took a few pix, as it is the main attraction down there...and then started to head home. THe walk back up clifton hill was definitely a mission for me! I thought I was going to pop the baby out because the street was so inclined!!

We head back to the hotel so the boys can play MJ and poker for a few hours before we hit the sack. I had a lot of fun, but was extremely exhausted..but definitely worth it!! :) I can't wait til we plan the next trip... :)

Jus a belly shot

2009-07-02T20:45:00.001-04:00

Getting big!!

3wks to go

2009-07-02T20:43:00.000-04:00

I'm getting closer to my due date, and I hit 200lbs!! Yes, sadly Ive
gained that much weight. I'm hoping this weight will come off just as
fast as previously! :)

We had an awesome time bbqing at home yesterday for canada
celebrations. Earlier in the week I went on the hunt for a mahjong set
for our home and also the table. Jeff was never a big fan of mj, or so
I thought. But now that he has been re taught the concept, he's now
addicted! I can't wait to have mj tournaments at our place on
weekends! Being chinese/hong kongers, we grew up with our moms
playing every weeekend they can gather together. Summers were always
fun because our moms get together e ery day almost, and us kids got to
hang out! Now we are starting the same tradition. Fun! ;)

So 3more wks, and we find out the sex of our lil bundle. It's kind of
nerve wracking, becuase I have yet to go out to buy a few baby
sleepers or undershirts because we don't know what colours to buy. I
like neutral colours, but it would be so much cuter if we bought the
baby the right colours. Lol.

Our midwife is coming for a home visit next week to prep our home and
see what we need to prepare for the home birth. Very exciting!!

4 more wks!!!

2009-06-26T12:52:00.000-04:00

I'm exactly a month away from my due date - July 25th! I'm really feeling the heat these days as i'm sure everyone else is as well, but i'm doubling that since i'm carrying around the baby weight. I'm feeling well other than sudden hot flashes throughout the day!

This weekend will be our baby shower. I'm looking forward to it as some of our close friends are joining us and we haven't seen them in forever! I'm hoping for moderate weather...not too hot!!

I went to my last midwife appt, and I'm pretty certain now we are going to have the birth at home. It will be different, but i'm sure it will be okay. I will be in the comfort of our home...and hopefully labour will be quick and not in the middle of the night or at least if it's midday, daytime it's okay to be loud. :) haha

Joseph is getting a real sense of the baby coming, he keeps reminding us that it's 4 more wks til the baby comes. He's doing the count down. ALthough i'm not sure how he will react when the baby does come.

This pregnancy I have taken more pictures of myself, got my picture taken more so than the other two..I think i'm a little bit more comfortable with the baby weight gain..but nonetheless I look gi-normous to myself...but all for the baby!! :):):)

I'm really looking forward to the month ahead, lots planned!!! and I will post lots of pictures! :) the FINAL month of pregnancy...I wonder how long it will take me to loose all the weight this time around? :)

Picture of Aunt Connie & I at dinner with the family, she said she liked this picture cuz "she looks cute"..but really what she was saying was we both look good cuz I gained 40lbs+ .... LOL

Dinners

2009-06-22T09:57:00.000-04:00

This year we decided to take my SIL to dinner for her bday...one of our fav. places - Perfect Restaurant for Peking Duck! I think the last time we had duck was last year, so it's been a while. I really enjoyed it!! We ordered two peking ducks with some other side dishes that came with the dinner combo..we had lobster, fish, lettuce wraps with duck filling and some other veggie dishes. Really though, the duck is our fav..LOL.

here are some pix :)

Just a couple pix cuz posting this makes me wanna go back!! haha ;)

oh, and can't forget the yummy cake we got for her: Strawberry ALmond Meringue!! :)

Only 5wks to go!

2009-06-22T09:39:00.000-04:00

Time has flown by!! We only have 5 wks left give or take of this pregnancy left! THe weeks are just going by with a blink of an eye.

I'm really feeling it though, i feel the belly is super big now although i still do'nt look that big. the works of gravity isn't helping either! Over the weekend I've felt some serious discomfort & cramps. I'm officially taking it easy now. We really don't want this baby to come any earlier than the second week of July, since we are planning for Great Wolf Lodge the 1st wk of july (which is in TWO weeks!!) I've been doing a lot of lying in bed and just resting with feet up because i feel like they are starting to swell a tiny bit - not a good sign either! I'm hoping this 'taking it easy' stage will tone down all these things i've been feeling over the weekend!!

Jeff had been off last week cause of his strep throat, and thank God he's finally better! It's definitely nice to have him home, although at the expense of his health. LOL. He managed to do some stuff around the house which makes everything look a lot nicer...here are some pix of the job he did in a few days.

Our bathroom..

Our living room wall...JJ had used a key and scratched the wall..and now it's perfectly painted!

Other bathroom in the hall..

Amazing job done by Jeff! :D

Marineland!

2009-06-09T19:32:00.001-04:00

Okay I have yet to get my butt to posting some of the awesome pix
taken at marineland (courtesy of lise's awesome SLR) but, the
wonderful hubby has posted the pix, of the adventure we had!!! :)

You can check out his blog "all the days of my life", on my blog list.

mOmmy & lOving it!

A dream so real.

A great start to a New Year

Happy 50th birthday

So this is it

lesson on friendships

Come & Go

Strangers

Faith

Life is too short.

A giddy Jennifer

3 months later

Opportunities...

no longer a baby.

Me: hey! it's yo gabba gabba on tv!Julie: *watches intently*Joseph: You know, yo gabba gabb is 'actually' for babies?!ME: so what, you're not a baby anymore?!Joseph: *smirks, shakes his head*Me: *sigh*

a decade.

Where did February go?!

Weaning day 1

A moment alone..

4 weeks later...

Transistions

WHat a morning!

Dear V8 & Motts Garden

Stand Still

September

The BIGGER picture

God's timing is Always Perfect

Weekend has arrived!

All Nighter

3 A.M & Heavy Hearted

Day 4

First Step

Getting Better

RW&CO is gonna be the end of me....

Fabulous Finds!!!

I caught a COLD

Test drive

Back off, get your own sandwich!

Limit

Jules birthday <3

Happy 1st birthday to our Juliana Grace!

I Did It.

UPDATE

Happy 11 months Juliana!

Earthquake in Toronto?!

Cooking (with) Mama

Lesson on being Civil

Milestones x 3

Maggots GALOOOOOOOOORE!!!!!!!!!

Joseph's Graduation

Love Came Down...

I did it.

Choices

It has been 2 & half weeks...

What could/would/should have been....but is not.

Just for the Record

My Watershed Moment - Parents Magazine

What's your prayer life like?

Manipulation: Even the animals know how to use it!

Doctors office

Happy 9months Juliana Grace!

Jules the super teether

the most rewarding workout

Do we forget too soon?

The dreaded phone call

Kids say the darnest things:

Jules first Easter

JJ's graduation pictures

Rejected

Spring is here!!

7&1/2 months

Over due

GOLD!

Busy Busy Bee

Happy 6 Months Juliana!

My Diet

Air Canada

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Holiday update

Holiday update

Me: hey! it's yo gabba gabba on tv!
Julie: watches intently
Joseph: You know, yo gabba gabb is 'actually' for babies?!
ME: so what, you're not a baby anymore?!
Joseph: smirks, shakes his head
Me: sigh